Man walks in, sees his GF lazing on the couch watching the Food Channel.
Man: Years you've been watching that and you still don't know how to cook!
Woman: Years you've been watching porn and you still don't know how to fuck!
Man walks in, sees his GF lazing on the couch watching the Food Channel.
Man: Years you've been watching that and you still don't know how to cook!
Woman: Years you've been watching porn and you still don't know how to fuck!
The three warning signs of excessive masturbation: 1) memory loss. 2 &3) a couple of things I can't remember.
Her: Why are you ordering another drink? I thought we were heading to your place?
Him: That was before I realized my beer goggles weren't thick enough.
And there's the ever-classic "Coolidge Effect", which relates to seduction:
President and Mrs. Coolidge once visited a government farm, taking separate tours. Mrs. Coolidge expressed some interest in a prize rooster. The farmer told her that the rooster was able to perform the sex act several times a day. Mrs. Coolidge told the farmer "Tell that to Mr. Coolidge when he comes by." When he got there, the farmer told him about it. Coolidge asked "Is it with the same hen every time?" "No," the farmer said, "it's with a different hen each time." Coolidge said "Be sure to tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
I wanna get every SHB on the globe
We kiss and hug and then we disrobe
It's a short circuit in the frontal lobe
'Cause I'm a heterosexual man.
Odds "Heterosexual Man"
Fun, Freedom, fucking and fitness since 1976
The Adventures of Larry the Parrot: Part One
Old man / old woman couple go into a pet store. As they're walking around, the pet store parrot says to the man "Hey buddy!" Old man says "What?" Parrot says "Your wife's a big fatass ho."
The old man waves an angry hand and ignores the parrot. Five minutes later the parrot says "Hey buddy!" Old man says "WHAT??" Parrot says, "Your wife's a fat bitch."
The old man angrily goes to the pet store owner and says, "Excuse me! Your parrot over there keep telling me my wife is a fat bitch!"
"I'm very sorry sir," the owner says, "It won't happen again, I promise."
The owner goes over to the parrot and says, "God dammit Larry! I keep telling you not to insult the customers! I've had enough of this! If you tell that man his wife is fat ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to snap your neck, spit-roast your ass and eat you for dinner! YOU GOT THAT?"
The parrot says "Okay, okay, I got it."
The old man and woman complete their visit to the pet store without incident. As the old man is walking out the door, the parrot says "Hey buddy!" The old man, having heard what the pet store owner said the parrot, says "What?" The parrot says "You know what."
Online game, open relationships, and meet-to-lays in under 4 hours.
www.blackdragonsystem.com
more-trouble-than-its-worth.jpg
Originally Posted by Vexxor
Oh man .. that's "Top Dick" dude !
________________________________________
I met this gal in a bar and asked her name , she says "I am named after my two favorite things .. Cars .. and Men , my names Carmen .. whats yours ?"
I stuck out my hand without even looking at her and said .. "Beer-Fuck .. nice to meet-cha !"
Have Fun
MK
"the most expensive thing a ever found was a woman who was FREE for the evening"
Quote from my Father
What's the difference between Harriet Tubman and the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves,
The Red Hot Chili Peppers were slaaaaves to herrrroin!
women want the attention and affection of a sufficiently high-value man.
Best MasterCard commercial ever
http://youtu.be/F05FQsNun7A
Actual profile headline seen today... what a fucking dumb biotch! haha
"I'm the kind of guy you don't want to bring home to mom. Cuz I'd fuck your mom."
"I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination"
"It's easy to be miserable. Being happy is tougher" - Thom Yorke
I reserve the right to use exaggerations, comparisons, or even cartoons, if I estimate they would help illustrate or convey a point I'm trying to make. Because I don't always have the time or willingness to write a 800 fucking word essay each time I post something.
One of these is not like the other.
Nick
But which one?
Don't be upset by the results you didn't get with the work you didn't do.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility lies in being superior to your former self. -Hemingway
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