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The Serial Monogamy Lifestyle - Riding the Pair-Bond Rush
**Worth noting that I'm uninfluenced by anything "community" since this board migrated from MASF, so this could be a repeat of things already said, or maybe it will offer some new angles, I honestly don't know, its based off of the last several years of personal experience.**
This post is about willingly going fully into pair-bonding with a girl, understanding in advance that it won't last, but allowing all of the feelings and experiences anyway for the pure enjoyment of them. The experience of pair-bonding has been scientifically shown to be one of the most powerful, intense, and lasting highs out there (quantifiably verifiable as far as reward chemicals being present in the brain), so why not allow yourself to enjoy the hell out of it?
I'm something of a pleasure seeker in general, and the "serial monogamy lifestyle" as I'm describing it is all about maximizing both the sexual and non-sexual pleasures that can be had with a girl of choice. In my experience there's a "pleasure phase" of pair-bonding that can last anywhere from a few months to a few years (I personally haven't made it past 18 months.) During this phase, your brain forms a heroin-like attachment to the girl, complete with ongoing elevated levels of dopamine and oxytocin. My goal with serial monogamy is to ride this pleasure phase of pair-bonding like a wave, with the increased everyday high, increased and heightened sexual connection, and increased and heightened levels of female companionship and affection, until the wave inevitably starts to crash. Then, I end the relationship at a pace that minimizes the pair-bond withdrawal for both of us, and move into the next phase of serial monogamy which involves sleeping around with other girls (GFTOW, I suppose) until I find another girl worth pair-bonding with.
No other relationship setup offers the same type of experience as intentional all-in pair-bond serial monogamy, as all the other relationship types either never reach or diffuse the pair-bond in one way or another. The rush you get from a SNL or having multiple girls on rotation is a completely different mechanism in the brain than pair-bonding, which is unique to other rushes as it takes time (months) to fully develop. So, if you are a man of pleasure-seeking tendencies, if the highest levels of natural dopamine and oxytocin-infused sexual connection and female affection are something you wish to experience (over and over), then you have to go mono, no-holds-barred, with a high quality girl by your standards for a significant period of time.
Pair-boding is potentially dangerous in that it can cause a guy a lot of withdrawal pain. So its not for everyone, and I'm certainly not meaning any of this as a rationalization for newbs coming from some fantasy perspective.
Pair-bonding is a very pleasurable, fun, engaging, and rewarding process IF:
- your fundamental game is solid: you're a catch on all counts and she knows it
- your relationship game is solid (you choose your girl wisely and know how to maintain dominance in a relationship without a reliance on the threat of other girls)
- you know how to pace the end a relationship in a way that minimizes withdrawal pain for both of you
- you have the ability to go out and fuck new quality girls within a few days of the desire
- you understand how to handle your own de-bonding process post-breakup (GFTOW and/or transfer the bond to a new girl or set of girls, basically, while focusing harder on your work or life mission).
Its commonly preached to avoid pair-bonding (which is good advice for those in the process of finding themselves and figuring out the world), but in reality if a guy actively seeks to avoid pair-bonding, then he's either lacking in the above list of skills or he's in an emotionally weakened state operating from a fear of future pain (or he could just not have an interest.) But this fear-avoidance can cause a guy to miss out on much of the value that's found in more developed and intense human relationships at a level that non-monogamous setups simply can't offer, so for those that feel they're ready, I'd encourage you to take the plunge eyes wide open for a few years.
So. . what it the typical playout of this relationship?
- bang out and FB a set of girls
- when one shows herself to be exceptional by your particular standards, prioritize her over the others and allow things to develop further with her
- allow her to gradually win your "girl time" exclusively
- call her your girlfriend and go mono
- enjoy the next 6-24 months of increasingly amazing sex, affection, and companionship. Go all in, allow yourself all of the emotions and feelings, thats the whole point of all this. This part is the good stuff!!
- when things level out, ride them as long as you please, but begin to emotionally detach while she's still around (de-bonding is much less painful in the presence of the other person)
- when she senses the detachment and brings it up (sometimes in subtile ways), be honest with her "you're amazing, but i feel like things are starting to fade." Things may temporarily improve at this point as she works to keep hold of you, but this plants the detachment seed in her so that her de-bonding is also less painful (I believe in not being careless with relationships, its worth a few weeks of downtime for everything to end as smoothly as possible for both parties).
- when you hit the "lets work on us" point (ugh), break up by telling her she's amazing and you're glad for the time you spent together, but that its time for you to move on
- rinse and repeat
Obviously its not this cut and dry, but anyone with experience will know how to handle the details or variations that present themselves.
Cons? Assuming you're able to choose the right girl, maintain dominance in a relationship, and both logistically and emotionally handle the breakup/detachment process (pre-requisites for this lifestyle), the main con is that you occasionally may not get sex at times when you're horny and she's not. And the end of the relationship can be dull and also lower the amount of sex you get for that period of time. These are the only real downsides I've experienced. My desire to fuck a lot of women gets quenched after each breakup as I hunt for a new girl.
As a side note, if I were ever wish to push past the "pleasure phase" of pair-bonding, I would want an OLTR. This will be my setup with the mother of my kids whenever I get to that point. During the "pleasure phase" though, the "O" only serves to diffuse the pair-bond and so is counter-productive to my goals with this relationship setup.
I could write a book detailing this all out in every direction if I had the inclination, but I don't so this is all you get (its already borderline TL/DR). The details are contained in the collective work of everyone posting here past and present, so digest what I'm talking about, decide if you're capable and interested, and then apply what you already know.
A bit about me for reference. . I'm now 36. I posted on MASF for maybe 3 years starting 8 years ago which some here may remember. My personal path has been:
- Got laid initially at age 15 with girlfriend
- Serial LTRs till 25 (except the occasional ONS in college) - these were pre-"game" and HURT LIKE HELL for long sexless periods of time when they ended (the typical man's experience with mono.)
- Turned "player" and fucked everything I could as fast as I could (not EVERYTHING everything, quality has always been a huge concern for me) for 4-5 years (back when I was posting on MASF.)
- Set up rotating FBs (usually 2-4 at a time is all I had time for)
- OLTR with two girls back to back for a little over a year (basically the FB setup with a clear primary "girlfriend")
- Serial monogamy: going mono with a "girlfriend," then switching things up every 6-18 months by breaking up and banging out a handful of girls during the screening process for the next monogamy-worthy girl. (four girls in a row like this.)
So putting $.02 out there for whoever this resonates with. I'm not sure yet if I'll engage further or just leave it at this one post. . I've been happy not focusing on "game" all that much, since its all the same at its core and once you get it you get it: be cool, give value to others, take good care of yourself physically and mentally, have some style and originality while playing to a stereotype, strive for and do big things with your life, always dream bigger than where you're at and share those dreams with others, have confidence in whatever personality is most natural to you in the moment you're in right now, stick to your guns while keeping an open mind, make the move when you feel like it, never get rattled, and always enjoy the moment to the best of your ability no matter what is happening. Nail all these and you can happily have whatever types of relationships you want. . and I'd encourage experienced guys to give serial monogamy a try for a few years for the unique pleasures that it brings.