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  1. #41
    Member pureevil's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 1.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    Quote Originally Posted by zylya View Post
    Actually, we have a pretty specific definition of drama as relates to seduction. It's the negative, harsh actions or words from a woman (or man) towards a man (or woman) where the target is the subject of said negativity. It includes things like: arguments, nagging, complaining, threats/ultimatums, silent treatment, crying etc (but when the negativity is aimed at the person receiving it - crying about, say, a personal loss wouldn't count). When we say people "love drama" on this forum, that's what we refer to.
    I see "drama" as any unnecessary theatrics used to manipulate emotions negatively. That's how I've been meaning it.

    I disagree that ANYTHING negative is drama. Drama exists in HOW the negativity is communicated, not THAT the negativity exists. Some degree of negativity will always exist between people over time, that's simply human nature. "Drama" comes into play in how its handled.

    Example: Say I have a behavior that reminds a girl of something her big brother did to her as a kid that she hates. If she says "hey, let's talk for a second. I don't like the way you do this, because it reminds me of XYZ which brings back bad vibes," then there's NO DRAMA. She pointed out negativity in my direction, but NO DRAMA was involved, it was a reasonable rational request.

    If however she flips out, raises her voice, and puts on an "angry performance," THEN she's drama.

    Big difference! Any and all negativity does not equal drama. Drama to me is a "performance-style approach to conflict."

    Likewise, a person can be negative all the time but not dramatic. Even keel, rational, negative people who see the dark side of everything but don't put on an emotional or emotionally manipulative performance. I'd screen these people out too. . . not for being dramatic, but for being negative all the time. These aren't one in the same at all to me.

  2. #42



    Quote Originally Posted by zylya View Post
    Just to clarify, and ensure I'm understanding correctly, you were fine while he was out (for the most part) but when he got back and you found out details, that's when jealousy really started hitting you?
    Yes, that is correct.

  3. #43



    Quote Originally Posted by SteelyDan View Post
    It may make him uncomfortable, he may say he hates it, but the absence of jealousy may be worse for your marriage than the presence of it.

    And don't think for a minute that your husband isn't jealous of your extracurriculars as well.

    In my observations, the basic appeal of open relationships and multiple relationships is the jealousy -- it's the bluntest and most basic seduction tool available to us. When couples choose to go with an open marriage, they are basically inviting jealousy into their relationship to stir up emotions and make the sex more intense, kind of like it was when we were teenagers.
    SteelyDan,
    I would say for myself personally that the older I get the more sexually insane I get. The more driven and then more insatiable. When I was a teenager it was more about romance for me. Now it is all about raw sex.

  4. #44
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    Understood, but you admit that the sex is better after the open marriage talk and that you feel a lot of jealousy since the open marriage talk.

    I am just pointing out the relationship between those two things.

    Jealousy is a very powerful emotion, and emotions supercharge sex.

  5. #45



    Quote Originally Posted by SteelyDan View Post
    Understood, but you admit that the sex is better after the open marriage talk and that you feel a lot of jealousy since the open marriage talk.

    I am just pointing out the relationship between those two things.

    Jealousy is a very powerful emotion, and emotions supercharge sex.

    You are right. I am more intensely jealous nowadays than before.

    But I do think it will hurt our relationship in the long run if I am a picture of distress - that is just not attractive.

  6. #46
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    Having gone through an intensely sexual relationship that was fueled by jealousy, I tend to agree. Jealousy is fine in small doses for me, but it does have a toxicity level. After a while the fairy dust wore off, and I saw her in a different light. Kind of like she was a druggie chasing her next fix.

    I think different people have different tolerances for jealousy though. Swingers for example have a very high tolerance.

  7. #47
    Member Lovergirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by openwife View Post
    SteelyDan,
    I would say for myself personally that the older I get the more sexually insane I get. The more driven and then more insatiable. When I was a teenager it was more about romance for me. Now it is all about raw sex.
    This is probably because you and your husband already HAVE an emotional connection. That need is already fulfilled. It is the same for him, most likely. Try to remember that when you feel jealous.

  8. #48



    Quote Originally Posted by Lovergirl View Post
    This is probably because you and your husband already HAVE an emotional connection. That need is already fulfilled. It is the same for him, most likely. Try to remember that when you feel jealous.
    Thanks LG!

  9. #49



    Wow. It's been so long since I have read this forum. It is very helpful to re-read this thread. All the advice here is solid and is helping me to refocus. Thanks to all that answered!

  10. #50
    Member Supernova's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by openwife View Post
    Wow. It's been so long since I have read this forum. It is very helpful to re-read this thread. All the advice here is solid and is helping me to refocus. Thanks to all that answered!
    How has the open marriage been going?
    -Supernova

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