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  1. #11
    Member Lovergirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stargazer View Post
    If it is a problem he has always had it's probably an issue that HE has to work on, not you.
    True, but I can't help but be a little altruistic here I would love to be able to help him with this little problem..... lol


    Personally I have noticed that it is necessary to let energy flow freely through your body. The issue can be both mentally and physically. For the mental part you can check out the "at home vibe" I posted about in ijjjji's "vibes vibes vibes" thread. Then you could have him try a position where you lie on your back and spread your legs like a "V", he holds your thighs and arches his back backwards like a rooster and tilts his chin slightly forward. (That should make him feel graceful, powerful, in charge and vulnerable all at the same time.) Then he starts pumping slow yet powerfully at a steady pace like a machine, and mainly use his core muscles. (That should make him be able to stimulate his penis good and long enough.) And while doing this he should look at your feminine and soft body moving back and forth like a wave caused by his masculine raw power. He should not think about trying to orgasm but instead think about how powerful yet graceful he feels and how soft you are and how much you love getting pounded.

    ...this turned out like a sex novel but that's what does it to me. I used to have problems cumming but now, using that technique, I can cum very quickly if I want. When slouching like a pig I have a very hard time cumming, I think it is because it prevents free flow of energy in my body.
    That's interesting. I don't know that its something I could or would suggest but maybe there is something I can do to help him FEEL more relaxed. He's definitely a bit...tense? I suspect RELAXING is very hard for him to do.

    It probably doesn't help that he is cheating on his wife and thinks I don't know about it. Like this last time he got some texts before we started having sex and he said it was his "sister" complaining about his mom, who was staying at his house because his grandfather died and there was a funeral the next morning. I am guessing that was actually his wife.

    He wanted to see me though, even though he had a funeral the next day and I said sometimes sex can be comforting in a situation like that. He was like "I love the way you think!!!" lol

    He is also constantly getting pounded with emails from all around the country- he doesn't read them all (obviously) but like this last time we had sex, he commented after that he had gotten something like 365 emails just while we were in bed.

    I wonder if going somewhere else (hello, we need a vacation together!! lol) would help? He has made comments and hinted at wanting to take me with him sometime so maybe we will. He said with his companion miles he can switch the person he takes with him 3 times a year. I'm not sure why he was telling me all that unless he's thinking about it.

  2. #12
    Member Kit's Avatar
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    sooo 4h sleep a night is not a lot. Even people with genes that make them need less sleep aren't made for 4h.

    Think that may be keeping him from coming as well....also doesn't it affect his memory like crazy? 4h in no way is considered to be healthy...

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kit View Post
    sooo 4h sleep a night is not a lot. Even people with genes that make them need less sleep aren't made for 4h.

    Think that may be keeping him from coming as well....also doesn't it affect his memory like crazy? 4h in no way is considered to be healthy...
    I don't know. It doesn't sound healthy but he works in medical research so its not like he's unaware of health risks/benefits to whatever he does. He is in apparently great health, lol.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovergirl View Post
    I don't know. It doesn't sound healthy but he works in medical research so its not like he's unaware of health risks/benefits to whatever he does. He is in apparently great health, lol.
    haha someone being in the medical field ofetn doesn't mean shit about the healthy habits and stuff.. there is a reason there are more burnouts and stuff @ healthcare professionals.
    Or that sometimes you see a doctor smoking outside, while you have seen him/her telling a patient to quit smoking...
    Or the amount of the medical sector that drinks despite the healthrisk..

    Anyway just saying. Don't think it's in your hands to change his habits to something healthier. Do think that it may be worth a try to do nothing at night, sleep a bit longer than usual and see whether it's better in the morning.. morning sex <33333

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kit View Post
    haha someone being in the medical field ofetn doesn't mean shit about the healthy habits and stuff.. there is a reason there are more burnouts and stuff @ healthcare professionals.
    Or that sometimes you see a doctor smoking outside, while you have seen him/her telling a patient to quit smoking...
    Or the amount of the medical sector that drinks despite the healthrisk..
    He does care about his health and takes care of himself in other ways. I totally think he should get more rest too, but I'm not his mother and he's a grown man so me telling him to sleep more is not something I want to do. He doesn't strike me AT ALL as someone who wants to be told how to live his life, lol.

    Anyway just saying. Don't think it's in your hands to change his habits to something healthier. Do think that it may be worth a try to do nothing at night, sleep a bit longer than usual and see whether it's better in the morning.. morning sex <33333
    At this point, when he sees me he wants to have sex, not sleep. I'd kind of like to keep it that way! The sex is wonderful, no complaints about how good it is, just want to get him to cum eventually.

  6. #16



    porn can effect it even if you're not jacking off - messes with dopamine.
    I've never come from a blowjob either - I come to regularly to be able to but I can get off from sex

    another girl for novelty may help but u said he claimed that's not the case (he might be lieing to avoid drama)

  7. #17
    Member Lovergirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Gignac View Post
    porn can effect it even if you're not jacking off - messes with dopamine.
    I've never come from a blowjob either - I come to regularly to be able to but I can get off from sex

    another girl for novelty may help but u said he claimed that's not the case (he might be lieing to avoid drama)
    I am "another girl". He's married and we have only had sex 4 times. So not a lot I can do about novelty. Would a guy watch porn if hes not jacking off? I wonder...

  8. #18
    Member Uncle Walker's Avatar
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    I think the best idea you have so far is your own.[

    QUOTE=Lovergirl;162631]I suspect he's not getting into the right headspace to relax too. [/QUOTE]

    Except that it may of may not be a relaxation issue it might be an increase in tension issue. So a couple ideas.

    He may be worried about getting you pregnant. I get that condoms reduce sensation and some guys cant cum with them but there are other guys who don't feel safe without them. This is just a guess but it might not hurt to make sure that he is not holding back for fear of entanglements.

    Some times there is a physical issue like too wet or not wet enough or not enough friction or not the right tempo. I am doubting this one since you are pretty experienced and would probably already tried most of the logical variations. Titty fuck with natural or artificial lube, where he can press down against you and give it more intense pressure is the only one that I have not seen you mention that you might try.

    Another one you might try to dig a little deeper into his mind. Without putting to much anxiety on him you might see if he has something that can grab his emotions by the balls and soak it out of him. Power games, kinky shit or the opposite and more relaxed approach.

    Speaking of which he might have a point quite early on that he puts himself in a mindset to fuck and not cum. I do this but I can turn it back off most the time. You bypass that if you can get him good and hard before you insert and then get him in the mindset to explode rather than fuck. Just guessing here but if I am doing a rare quicky it is a different mindset for me. You might try getting him to have a quicky with you early on NOT after you have fucked a long time and relieved much of the emotional tension. By that I mean the guy is still getting rid of a load with you even if he doesn't cum. At least I bet so. I do when I don't cum. There is orgasms that do not involve cum and I bet he experiences those.

    So here is another possibility but this one is pretty personal and you may not be in a position to go there with him. On the other hand if you did go there it might get you to an intimate enough level it might help him cum. Anyway, some guys do not fap with their hand. They lay on their dick and trap it between their belly and another object, bed, pillow, tub, etc. Over time this is really bad for the internal plumbing. It gets the cock used to a lot more pressure than any vagina or mouth can produce and it also kinks the tubes. Van deferen I think the tube is called. Anyway, you might ask if he masturbates face down or if he used to. If he does you can encourage him to quit as it will/is causing problems and you will also know you need a lot of pressure. You have a pretty nice big set but let him get his cock between his belly and your ribs. Enough lube that it doesn't hurt and probably some encouragement so he knows you are enjoying this.


    If you do get him to cum and ever want it again, make sure you let him know how much you liked it. Even if it means you miss a few orgasms of your own. It might be a subject you can broach with him to ask him about times in the past that he has cum. If it was out side an orifice what did he do with the cum? IE spread it around, you lick it/taste it/worship it/ whatever. . . Talking about it has a side benefit of getting him connecting with the idea of cumming too. NLP kind of thing you know.

  9. #19
    Member Lovergirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Walker View Post

    Except that it may of may not be a relaxation issue it might be an increase in tension issue. So a couple ideas.

    He may be worried about getting you pregnant. I get that condoms reduce sensation and some guys cant cum with them but there are other guys who don't feel safe without them. This is just a guess but it might not hurt to make sure that he is not holding back for fear of entanglements.
    I'm not sure- the only thing he's said about it was like the third time we had sex, he stopped mid-thrust and asked me "are you on birth control?" like it had just occurred to him, lol. I said "no" and he said "good to know" and kept going... I'm pretty sure he's never cum inside me, unless he is super good about concealing it.

    It would be really hard to have sex with a condom with one of these guys that lasts hours and hours. That would be pretty painful (for me) due to the constant friction of a condom. Not that I wouldn't agree to it if he asked, but he hasn't shown any inclination to want to. The other thing is that he seems MOST close to cumming during a blow job but it hasn't happened.

    Some times there is a physical issue like too wet or not wet enough or not enough friction or not the right tempo. I am doubting this one since you are pretty experienced and would probably already tried most of the logical variations.
    I'm generally usually pretty wet, except in rare cases when we've been going for hours and he'll just pull out and go down on me for a bit so I feel like THAT part is fine. The first couple times we tried anal, he didn't use any lube but he brought some this time (probably because it was obviously painful for me the last time). He didn't cum with anal either and of course then he wouldn't have to worry about pregnancy...

    I wonder a little bit about the tempo. There are some guys that really have to pound the shit out of you right before they cum and he may be afraid of hurting me? There have been a few times where he has gone REALLY hard and fast for a bit and after made a comment about me looking "terrified" haha. Well, I don't know what the expression on my face was and not sure I can control that but maybe I need to reassure him its ok? He's very dominant in bed and very strong and that is a good thing, but sometimes it can, in the moment, be a little scary... It's not bad but maybe he is afraid of freaking me out too, or of what I can handle. As far as anal, he's the only person I've actually "allowed" to have anal sex with me and its still pretty difficult so he has to be slow and careful and not do it very long.

    Titty fuck with natural or artificial lube, where he can press down against you and give it more intense pressure is the only one that I have not seen you mention that you might try.
    Lol, I don't think I've tried titty fucking anyone in like...decades...haha! I'm not sure if he'd be into that or not, but if its anything like regular sex or a blow job with him, he'd probably be crushing my ribs before anything came out of it, haha. (See how I did that? ) Who knows maybe its worth a try sometime though...

    Another one you might try to dig a little deeper into his mind. Without putting to much anxiety on him you might see if he has something that can grab his emotions by the balls and soak it out of him. Power games, kinky shit or the opposite and more relaxed approach.
    Yeah I'm not sure yet what he is into. He appears to enjoy being dominant in bed and will do fairly mild hair pulling, putting his hand on my throat, pinning me down, but nothing too crazy. This last time he brought a (new, in the package) vibrator and was using it on me and sometimes while we were fucking and he kept saying he loved THAT, but it obviously didn't get HIM off. He's only had me get on top of him once and didn't let me ride him for very long before he was taking control of everything again. Yet on OKCupid I saw a question where he had answered that in his ideal sexual situation the other person took control, so THAT kind of throws me off.... lol I suppose I could try more dirty talking or something... I mean I have said a little bit here and there but not a lot... Any tips on what to say? Lol

    You know what's funny though? This last time there were times I wasn't saying anything out loud, but thinking it to myself and he would ANSWER what I was thinking (like saying "yes" to something that was in my mind that I didn't say out loud), so obviously we were in tune.. and he did that a LOT during a blow job, but would just seem to be putting up resistance when it came to any thoughts about him cumming- he'd get silent.

    Speaking of which he might have a point quite early on that he puts himself in a mindset to fuck and not cum. I do this but I can turn it back off most the time. You bypass that if you can get him good and hard before you insert and then get him in the mindset to explode rather than fuck. Just guessing here but if I am doing a rare quicky it is a different mindset for me. You might try getting him to have a quicky with you early on NOT after you have fucked a long time and relieved much of the emotional tension. By that I mean the guy is still getting rid of a load with you even if he doesn't cum. At least I bet so. I do when I don't cum. There is orgasms that do not involve cum and I bet he experiences those.
    During a blow job, he will say over and over things like "oh my God you are going to make me cum, don't stop.." so I keep going but eventually its like he just gets past it- if that makes sense, like relaxes a little bit but not to the point you would if you had an orgasm. Maybe I could get him to have a quickie, not sure if he does those, haha!

    So here is another possibility but this one is pretty personal and you may not be in a position to go there with him. On the other hand if you did go there it might get you to an intimate enough level it might help him cum. Anyway, some guys do not fap with their hand. They lay on their dick and trap it between their belly and another object, bed, pillow, tub, etc. Over time this is really bad for the internal plumbing. It gets the cock used to a lot more pressure than any vagina or mouth can produce and it also kinks the tubes. Van deferen I think the tube is called. Anyway, you might ask if he masturbates face down or if he used to. If he does you can encourage him to quit as it will/is causing problems and you will also know you need a lot of pressure. You have a pretty nice big set but let him get his cock between his belly and your ribs. Enough lube that it doesn't hurt and probably some encouragement so he knows you are enjoying this.
    He MAY be one of those and I have wondered about that. How else is he getting off if he says he would get carpal tunnel from jacking it? See though, I have tried this blow job technique, that works on a LOT of guys where you aren't really sucking on his dick, but like jacking him off with one hand (and lots of saliva or lube) while pushing your tongue hard up and down against the sensitive underside of his cock. It would kind of simulate something like that (because remember your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body) and he LOVES it and that is what gets him close to cumming, but he doesn't get there. I've tried doing the same thing where I'm more like sucking (slurping? ha) the sensitive spot there too and that seems to drive him crazy but still no orgasm....

    If you do get him to cum and ever want it again, make sure you let him know how much you liked it. Even if it means you miss a few orgasms of your own. It might be a subject you can broach with him to ask him about times in the past that he has cum. If it was out side an orifice what did he do with the cum? IE spread it around, you lick it/taste it/worship it/ whatever. . . Talking about it has a side benefit of getting him connecting with the idea of cumming too. NLP kind of thing you know.
    Oh I will definitely let him know!! See, we haven't TALKED much about sex at all. Its been a lot more doing than talking so I may need to just get him to open up more about what he likes too.... I don't even care if I cum every time but he is one that seems to really want to get me off a lot (and he does) so that isn't a problem except that maybe he's so focused on that he isn't allowing himself to receive much.

  10. #20
    Member Ratata's Avatar
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    5-8 hour sex sessions? I think that may be the problem. Sometimes I only manage to cum the first five minutes of the session. If it takes any longer, I'll remain hard but it will take a very long time until I can cum again, if at all. During my early adulthood, I used to take pride in my endurance even though it wasn't always as good for me as I wanted it to be, but all for the woman! I couldn't have been more wrong, and I didn't see it until a gf of mine told me that 1) she just got sore after a while, and 2) sometimes she liked really quick sex more than long winded sessions. She also said that sometimes she enjoyed it more when the dude didn't give a fuck about how she felt, and just enjoyed the hell outta her for purely egotistical reasons.

    This was a great relief for me, because suddenly I was sorta allowed to cum whenever the hell I wanted to, which of course pleased me a whole damn lot while it also made me appreciate my gf even more. Now it gives me a lot of options as to what role I want to play in bed, i.e. that of the selfless giver, or the selfish taker, or if I want to go slow or fast.

    Just one more question: Can he cum on his own? If he can't, well, then you have your answer right there I'm afraid... However if he can, the answer is most likely psychological and related to self image problems like the one described above.

    The only advice I can think of: Make it clear to him that he can cum anytime he likes, even if he thinks it's too early. Also tell him that you sometimes like it fast. Give him those options, and I'm sure you can make him cum.

    One last note: I've never cummed from someone sucking my dick. It just can't be done. It doesn't turn me on in that way. While it's definitively is pleasant, it's just not as pleasant as fucking. However I found out that telling women this would instantly make it a challenge to them. So to all the guys out there, if you really like long blow jobs, tell her you've never cummed from one.
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