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  1. #1
    Member FRwestk's Avatar
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    Being intimidating? too aggressive? Day 1 ONS vs Day 2s.

    This isn't what itsounds like -- not being typical n00b aggressive / needy / scary.

    But a few recent event's has me thinking. I used to make it a rule not to do too much kino on day 1s, but after astring of successful ONS leading to semi-regular meets/sex, I decided to loosenup this rule.

    Within 6 months I'm heavy making out / fingering/PIV fucking whatever in cars, my home, her place, boats, etc on day 1s. My attractiongame on day 1 is solid. But as I knew would happen, my day 2 ratesdropped. I actually didn't give a shit, since I can just go find someoneelse, but recently it has been getting to me. A friend of mine told me his GF think I'm intimidating. That got me thinking. Am I being way too aggressive? Do I scare girls in some way? Being playful is definitely part of my image to women who like me, but being confident, alpha and strong is probably what they notice more about me.

    Earlier this week - I'm out with a cute early 20's hb. Shes definitely the more aggressive type, a bit of a feminist streak. Something probably happened to her in the past. She is too aggressive and tries to lead the interaction. I let her lead it a little bit, but I maintain control of the topics we discuss, change venues, and generally take charge of the big things. At the second venue, she is leaning in and her face is right next to me. Ealier slight kino escalating really quickly. Teasing each other with our hands, she is doing most of the talking. Later on we are all over each other's mouths. We do that on and off for about 40 minutes. She even mentions something like 'I bet we'd be great in bed.' I walk her to her car. In the car, it continues, and my hands go down there where it stops. She drives me to my transportation and we keep chatting. Nothing seems off. Few days later, she bails our semi-planned day 2. I try to do damage control by telling her we were moving too fast, blah blah blah, didn't mean to give impression that I was expecting anything on our day 2, blah blah.. No reply. Its lost.

    This isn't the first time this has happened. I remember reading a post by BD warning against this. Too much pressure to have sex on day 2. Quite frankly, I think it scares women too. I've always worked hard on being present, getting lost in the moment. They get lost in the moment with me, get momentarily turned on, go beyond what their usual comfort levels are and ASD kicks in.

    Maybe some will say I need to bust through that ASD. But I really don't want a bad taste in my mouth nor do I want a FRA. Its getting cold so it'll be nice to add another woman to my rotation. Maybe find someone I'll fall in love with.

    I'm a bit clueless on how to proceed from here. Not about this particular girl, but how to conduct myself on future dates with anyone. My success rates have definitely been lower when I followed my old rule, but that might just be because my game wasn't up to snuff yet.

    I'm going to try reverting to my old rule, where I reserve the heavy escalation for day 2 just to take a step back and observe myself. But I think what I need to work on is being able to read if she is good to go or not that night. So far, her physical receptiveness hasn't been an accurate indicator. I think I need to dig deeper to see what kind of inhibitions she has, which I believe will be revealed through deeper level of conversation. I've ONS'd with quieter much more reserved women. I will make a mental note to remember that women talking big on sex or being very receptive (or even aggressive) doesn't mean anything in regards to this topic.

    Any thoughts?
    "A human life gains luster and strength only when it is polished and tempered."

  2. #2
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    From both my field experience and the theory I read, I don't think being "less aggressive" is the issue. In fact I gather that you didn't have sex on day one and that in itself is the issue for two reasons:

    1. If you escalate to the point where a woman consciously decides she will have sex with you and you don't pull, its likely never going to happen. This is because she knows you'll do it again and she consciously realizes that she'll end up sleeping with you triggers ASD. In my personal experience when I fucked up pulls, girls even have contempt for me because I turned them on and she has nothing to show for feeling this way. Its almost as if she blames you for feeling like a slut or that you teased her and this goes into the second point.

    2. Girls will rationalize the interaction either positively or negatively. If you dont pull she will rationalize why she didnt sleep with you, and if you do pull she'll rationalize why she DID sleep with you (one will be rationalization against you and one will be in your favor).

    As a rule of thumb, I would say always pull the girl at the first opportunity. They say the best way to create a relationship with a girl is to fuck her. If the window is there and you don't take it, it will be very unlikely to open up again in the future. For these reasons, and I kick myself at the times this has happened to me. girls swooning for me, me being a bitch and not pulling the trigger and suddenly they have contempt for me. They would literally act as if I dont exist in an attempt to erase how I made them feel. They consciously made the decision to have sex with me and have nothing to justify the guilt the next day, you know?

    Tl;dr its not necessarily the "aggression", its the lack of followup (i.e sex close). If you are too passive she'll likely lose interest anyways, so I would say have your cake and eat it too by pulling. Alternatively I could see you keeping the vibe sexual with light escalation, but using push pull/disqualification to keep her chasing for the day two. Regardless, I personally dont see why you would need to wait til day two if shes down on day one though.

  3. #3
    Member FRwestk's Avatar
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    I think you misread my post or something and are mistaking me for more of a novice (no ego bullshit intended here, trying to facilitate a better discussion). I say in my post I always go for day 1s. This isn't girls putting up mild ASD that you have to bust through to make sex happen. These girls are really not going to have sex with me that night for whatever reason--most of the time some bullshit rule they have-- and I believe I am not getting day 2s because of how far I go in day 1.
    "A human life gains luster and strength only when it is polished and tempered."

  4. #4
    Member bazoom's Avatar
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    I am confused by your use of Day1, is it night/day/online game? Cause usually when people refer to fucking on a day1, I am thinking they met online. When you fuck on the same day/night as you met her, people here will generally call it Same Night Lay (SNL) or Same Day Lay (SDL).

    So it might help to clarify your position, to mention what type of game you do! I'd think you do online by your phrasing. But it could be guessing.

  5. #5
    Member FRwestk's Avatar
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    Bazooka,
    Yes I am referring to online game in this context. I run night game as well but I'm referring to online meets here.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by FRwestk View Post
    I think you misread my post or something and are mistaking me for more of a novice (no ego bullshit intended here, trying to facilitate a better discussion). I say in my post I always go for day 1s. This isn't girls putting up mild ASD that you have to bust through to make sex happen. These girls are really not going to have sex with me that night for whatever reason--most of the time some bullshit rule they have-- and I believe I am not getting day 2s because of how far I go in day 1.
    Either way whether they are allowing you to pull or not, the same remains true.

    Quote Originally Posted by Young Blaze View Post
    1. If you escalate to the point where a woman consciously decides she will have sex with you and you don't pull, its likely never going to happen. This is because she knows you'll do it again and she consciously realizes that she'll end up sleeping with you triggers ASD...

    Alternatively I could see you keeping the vibe sexual with light escalation, but using push pull/disqualification to keep her chasing for the day two.

  7. #7
    Member FRwestk's Avatar
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    Yes, so I am ending up with an impasse, which is why I am wondering if I should revert to day 2s.

  8. #8
    Member DJ_Z's Avatar
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    I've been there before, man.

    When you escalate quickly at that first interaction, you are fucking with a woman's brain chemistry and creating feelings and stimulation that she is only used to feeling with men she fucks. Random dudes who don't know what the fuck they are doing don't make her horny (bear in mind women don't think you make them horny, usually they think it is their idea that's how most people are about emotions). When you don't go for the bang and instead then cool off, you walk away and leave a woman to come to grips with the reality that you almost seduced her. She's not supposed to fuck guys like you. Everyone claims to have a very specific type when they are able to think about it logically with nobody creating tension. So the girl walks away thinking that you aren't right for her for X reason.

    The thing is, for a woman having sex is a big compliance. That's why women will stay with shitty boyfriends for long periods of time - her ego won't let her admit she is fucking a jerk because she's too smart to fuck men who are jerks. If you bang her that day or night, it is actually easier to keep her around for a little while than if you fingerbang her in a public restroom.

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