This isn't what itsounds like -- not being typical n00b aggressive / needy / scary.
But a few recent event's has me thinking. I used to make it a rule not to do too much kino on day 1s, but after astring of successful ONS leading to semi-regular meets/sex, I decided to loosenup this rule.
Within 6 months I'm heavy making out / fingering/PIV fucking whatever in cars, my home, her place, boats, etc on day 1s. My attractiongame on day 1 is solid. But as I knew would happen, my day 2 ratesdropped. I actually didn't give a shit, since I can just go find someoneelse, but recently it has been getting to me. A friend of mine told me his GF think I'm intimidating. That got me thinking. Am I being way too aggressive? Do I scare girls in some way? Being playful is definitely part of my image to women who like me, but being confident, alpha and strong is probably what they notice more about me.
Earlier this week - I'm out with a cute early 20's hb. Shes definitely the more aggressive type, a bit of a feminist streak. Something probably happened to her in the past. She is too aggressive and tries to lead the interaction. I let her lead it a little bit, but I maintain control of the topics we discuss, change venues, and generally take charge of the big things. At the second venue, she is leaning in and her face is right next to me. Ealier slight kino escalating really quickly. Teasing each other with our hands, she is doing most of the talking. Later on we are all over each other's mouths. We do that on and off for about 40 minutes. She even mentions something like 'I bet we'd be great in bed.' I walk her to her car. In the car, it continues, and my hands go down there where it stops. She drives me to my transportation and we keep chatting. Nothing seems off. Few days later, she bails our semi-planned day 2. I try to do damage control by telling her we were moving too fast, blah blah blah, didn't mean to give impression that I was expecting anything on our day 2, blah blah.. No reply. Its lost.
This isn't the first time this has happened. I remember reading a post by BD warning against this. Too much pressure to have sex on day 2. Quite frankly, I think it scares women too. I've always worked hard on being present, getting lost in the moment. They get lost in the moment with me, get momentarily turned on, go beyond what their usual comfort levels are and ASD kicks in.
Maybe some will say I need to bust through that ASD. But I really don't want a bad taste in my mouth nor do I want a FRA. Its getting cold so it'll be nice to add another woman to my rotation. Maybe find someone I'll fall in love with.
I'm a bit clueless on how to proceed from here. Not about this particular girl, but how to conduct myself on future dates with anyone. My success rates have definitely been lower when I followed my old rule, but that might just be because my game wasn't up to snuff yet.
I'm going to try reverting to my old rule, where I reserve the heavy escalation for day 2 just to take a step back and observe myself. But I think what I need to work on is being able to read if she is good to go or not that night. So far, her physical receptiveness hasn't been an accurate indicator. I think I need to dig deeper to see what kind of inhibitions she has, which I believe will be revealed through deeper level of conversation. I've ONS'd with quieter much more reserved women. I will make a mental note to remember that women talking big on sex or being very receptive (or even aggressive) doesn't mean anything in regards to this topic.