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  1. #1
    Member Drexel Scott's Avatar
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    How To Transition From Sex-Focused "Human Dildo" To "Alpha Provider"

    Hey guys--I have a question today that'll probably strike most newbies as completely absurd. After all, becoming a human vibrator that women use for sex sounds pretty amazing to a guy who struggles with getting laid, getting a date, or maybe even talking to a woman at all in a sexually-charged way. That's certainly how I used to be.

    However, after a decade of busting my ass on basically every aspect of getting laid in a wide variety of situations (same day lay, same night lay, threesomes, 60-second pull, even fucked 3 NEW girls in a 5-hour time period once) I have come to a point in my life where I no longer feel even remotely satisfied or fulfilled by casual sex with people I may or may not see again, who are also dating and/or sleeping with who knows how many other guys, for whom my amazing penis is but a temporary respite from life's many trials and tribulations.

    I'm at a point where I want a real, actual girlfriend for the first time in at least 5 years (and that was a relationship full of rockiness, pain, emotional stickiness, oneitis, and all the other bad things that happen when two people who don't fundamentally love themselves try and get that love from the other person). I want an actual girlfriend, a monogamous one, with whom the sex is just one aspect of our relationship instead of its sole focal point.

    Here's the problem...

    Because I'm so used to being in that alpha-player mode where the women basically submit themselves to you completely and worship and respect and fuck you silly without much if any drama, I'm finding that every time I so much as begin to THINK about a woman, or women, in a more "relationshippy" way than just as someone to have sex with--I take an immediate, tangible drop in power and I feel like a bitch.

    Even if she isn't bossing me around or trying to exert her willpower over me, I just feel this inner painful "crushing" of my soul because I'm used to being in full-power mode around women 100% of the time and honestly that's not actually conducive to a relationship. So here I am, trying to find the balance and enter into a "real" relationship without giving up my alpha powers and unquestioned dominance, feeling horrible and weak and shitty every time I'm not in full control of the energy.

    That's why I'm here asking those wiser and more experienced than I in such matters--how to I transition from alpha-fuckbuddy-guy to alpha-provider guy? The classic PUA wisdom of "start off as alpha lover guy and transition into boyfriend role" is not what I'm looking for, it doesn't work for what I'm trying to do, and I don't want to present myself as alpha lover guy right off the bat. I want to START the relationship as Alpha Provider, with her knowing full well that my agreeing to enter a relationship means I'm not going to be sleeping with other girls, and not losing my power over it.

    So, elders of Sedfast, anyone managed to pull off this transition successfully? Cheers and happy Friday, Drexel S
    If you want to get women soaking wet...with just one simple sentence...then simply click right here for your FREE download of the "Instant Female Arousal Phrase" now!

  2. #2



    Take whatever I'm writing with a grain of salt please, I've never been to the state of sleeping with whomever just for the sake of sleeping with each other. Not (at least I sincerely believe that) because I couldn't get enough women to do it but rather because I wanted to go where I truly wanted to be without having to undergo this probably energy-draining middle stage. At the moment I'm having a long-term long-distance relationship (1,5 years now) with a woman I love deeply and who loves me, and kind of a secondary woman who I also truly enjoy spending time with, so has my girlfriend another man she spends some time with she truly likes. I might be integrating more women into the current "system" but I'm not sure yet how I can manage that so that everyone included stays satisfied like I want them to be.

    The first question I would be curious about in your situation is why exactly you feel the need to be in full dominance/control when with a woman. I used to meet many women I was spending time with who were simply unable to be responsible for themselves, and since I was used to that pattern from early childhood (my parents were very unresponsible for themselves) I felt joy in being needed and dealing with things they felt overwhelmed with. Apart from having sex, I was probably more like in a father-role most of the time for those women. When I finally realized that they weren't improving in this way or rather that I had co-created a situation in which their improvements of being responsible endangered the very basis on which our relationship was built, I realized how fucked up this is: I couldn't have a relationship with someone who was fully responsible for himself because then I would see no value in being around me anymore. So I went on the journey of finding another way I could provide value for a woman.

    The next "version" of me having relationships was of offering the value of total freedom while still being connected. I told my women that I wouldn't mind them sleeping with other guys at all, and trained myself to truly not care. This attracted certain women more than others, and I met one that I might have loved the most in my life so far. But since I expected the fact of me not "imprisoning" them in any way, not even by expectations or true needs of mine to be the one factor that made them love and accept me, I wouldn't dare telling them I truly loved and needed them even when I truly felt I did. My then girlfriend found herself another guy when traveling India, a guy she didn't like as much as she loved me (her words), but he gave her what I seemingly couldn't: he told her he wanted her to be at his side. Her being someone without any place, andone in the world to truly attract her to any place, it was worth the world to her to know someone needed her. We split up over the time of a few months, and agonizingly because we both loved each other so damn hard, still did and still do somehow. It made me realize though that this second value wasn't the best thing I could offer.

    With my current girlfriend I realized something very important: If I cannot go on by myself anymore, if I truly need help and am at a loss (which doesn't happen too often, but sometimes it does), she'll be there for me. She will listen, hold me, and even if she doesn't know the answer she will give me the feeling that failing to find a solution will not make me a worse person. She has shown me something one probably should have experienced in early childhood but I guess I never really did: unconditional love. It's not based on me being all-wise or all-dominant or whatever, it's just.. there, for whatever reason. It includes her being quite alright with me sleeping with other women I see fit to sleep with, and it includes her not needing me to be sleeping with other women to keep up the power in a stupid power game. She'll simply love me, and there's nothing I have to do to prove myself worthy to her, and nothing I would feel or do would truly shock or disgust her. In fact, the most weird or shameful thoughts I share with her usually make her feel even more connected with me because for her it's a sign I truly trust her (which I do). I always hated the idea of relationships having to work like some kind of power struggle, and with her usually I don't have to play this absurd game. She'll do whatever seems best to her and I'll do whatever seems best to me and we'll share our experiences along the way, trusting each other to care for each other.

    The whole thing isn't a peaceful road, at times it gets bumpy, but she's a very kind woman who in all the months I never saw shouting at me or something. She does get sad, or overwhelmed at times, but instead of what people usually do (protecting their ego by being all aggressive or something) she'll usually just show her sadness and helplessness and allow me to help her if I am able to. And if I'm too helpless myself we'll just stay in that state of helplessness together until it fades again.

    The question I'd like to ask you is what type of value you think are able to give to a woman, because it might affect the type of relationship you can offer a lot. If your (perceived) main value is the ability to fuck quickly with no strings attached, it might be hard to transition to a "strings attached" relationship simply because then you'll get insecure about what you could offer instead and feel you might not be worth it, might be tricking her into believeing you're something you're not, and so on. If your perceived main value is "taking control of the situation" and you think you couldn't bear to have a woman take control and guide you, you might only be able to establish a relationship based more on a kind of father-daughter-relationship like I did in the past. I'm really good at dealing with situations, meaning finding out the critical points or resolving things, but I've found I don't have to act on this ability all the time. Sometimes my girlfriend will simply find her own solutions for herself, and if I dominate her own problem-solving, her problem-solving abilities will have no real chance to develop fully. She knows I'm awesomely good at these things, and sometimes she will ask me for help (or if I see she's too overwhelmed to ask I might offer some), but it's not the main ingredient of the relationship.

    I don't truly like the alpha-beta distinction to be honest, but since you asked how to be an alpha-provider, here's what I do:

    - I never promised monogamy simply because I know from experience I'm very curious about different women. I can easily accept my girlfriend to be nr. 1 priority (in fact I offered that) but I have the golden rule of never promising anything I might not be able to do then. I would rather make someone angry by being too blunt about truth than lying or promising something I'm not intending to stick to.

    - I would rather stand up for something I believe in and risk conflict than giving up my core values. I'm a very peaceful man and I never ever actively seek out conflict, but if someone is trying to supress my core values, I'll stand up for them.

    - I have long since stopped caring too much for societal rules and how to proceed "the right way" because traveling the world a little I realized that there are as many different (and right!) ways as there are people out there. I also realized that the "right way" has many people who it is helpful for and (usually many more) people who it is unfitting for. There are many people I know who are perfectly satisfied with a standard mono relationship (my brother loves it!), but others for whom it is a prison (me, for example). I don't judge people for seeking different solutions, and neither will I let anyone "officially" judge me for seeking out what is truthful for me and my needs. I will listen to different opinions though, because I'm too young and inexperienced to understand everything in the world yet, and usually in every judgement someone tries to put onto me there is some grain of truth I can work with. Yet I will not give away the authority of how I chose to live my life, for no one.

    - I have somehow automated a very special kind of mental state of complete disconnection I can now go into at will. I suppose I earned that state when I was about 15 and truly was pondering about killing myself. Back then I realized I am deciding if I would live or not, and that reaching this decision was equivalent of taking control of my life. Since I decide whether I live or not, I also decide what kind of life I will be living. I cannot force anyone else how to live his life because it is true for them as well. Only as long as they don't know about that very simple truth can they be manipulated, but not after. Back then I first went into that special state of disconnection. If you have troubles at work, for example, disconnect yourself from the idea of having to work there. If you have a family and that family needs the money to survive, disconnect yourself from that family. You can leave them anytime you see it fit. And so on, until you find you're free to do whatever you wish to do, and any pressure that adds up to being too much for you is seen as a consequence of decisions you can re-decide any moment. Will not your family hate you if you leave them? They might, and if it's important to you that they will not, you will not disconnect yourself from them, allowing certain pressure to be applied to how you live your life. Remember though: The limits of your freedom are in the sacrifices you're willing to make.

    - Chose your connections. When you have developed the ability to go into disconnect state easily, you can easily get lost by disconnecting too much too often. If you're 100% disconnected (probably what buddhists wouldcall Nirvana state), you have no desires, you won't be pulled anyway. And it truly and utterly sucks. You're lost, lost as you can be. Which is why it's important to me to re-connect myself with certain places, people, goals so that I know why to get out of bed, why to live. Usually people grow up being trained to fulfill so many expectations they never chose that they never get to the point of fulfilling what they truly would like to do. The practice of disconnection allows you total freedom to chose your priorities. "I never have time for my true mission" becomes an absurd statement somehow after you realize that you can disconnect all the other crap and chose your connections. Not that you still fall into traps at times, but after you realize you fucked up again you know what to do to get back on track fast.

    - practice trust in connections: I myself have a hard time fully relying on other people simply because in my upbringing, the only one in my family that could be entrusted with any problem was a little kid: myself. But over the years I found some people who healed me, at least a little. You can be quite resourceful when practicing the disconnect/connect thing, but you alone cannot do everything you might dream of. You'll need people you rely on for that, at least a few. Imagine it as a Yin-Yang thing. If you find someone you can connect with that will embody something you're not so good at in a more extreme way, you might be able to develop something you're good at (the corresponding Yin) in a much better way because you don't have to worry about the other aspect your partner is handling for you. Perhaps you shouldn't be entering a state of 100% dependancy on each other, but just a little is quite alright, really, and can deepen the experience of living.

    There's probably much more, but I got some other work to do so I'll have to disconnect from writing more here now

    Jester
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  3. #3
    Member cactus eyes's Avatar
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    ? The classic PUA wisdom of "start off as alpha lover guy and transition into boyfriend role" is not what I'm looking for, it doesn't work for what I'm trying to do, and I don't want to present myself as alpha lover guy right off the bat. I want to START the relationship as Alpha Provider, with her knowing full well that my agreeing to enter a relationship means I'm not going to be sleeping with other girls, and not losing my power over it.
    Im in a similar sitatuation, maybe more along the lines of jack looking for that special one, to have group sex with.

    But I see an interesting disconnect between alpha lover vs provider... from my experience.

    You seemingly cant just proposition a chick that you are, an "alpha lover but just for u girl ill be your alpha provider." And then expect her to essentially take you seriously for your word, she has to come to these conclusions for herself without you verbalizing it, and in my experience it normally does take that similar trajectory of fb --> gf over time, but this is also the leniency. It can be weeks, months or years to move from one slot to the next.

    Starting off alpha provider (this doesnt make sense to me, to divisive) seems like you must have everything in order and know the girl is heavily interested. How can you sell a house to someone that wants to hitchhike?

    If the girl doesnt want a provider, because she has many orbiters, betas, providers already, how can you get her to want you to be what she actually doesnt want? That may sound tricky, but its similar to what youre asking and something Ive been chewing over. How do I get a girl to change her lifestyle wants so she wants to stay in my lifestyle?

    My own answer to these issues, as I am not in a grand hurry to make any one chick at the moment my #1, is I cant do this in a short amount of time. In fact the original reason i learned seduction here was to accomplish what youre asking, then realized its a different road to go down from seduction alone. And actually seduction slightly fucked me up in viewing women, in a good way, to where Ive become content in having women on the outskirts trying to peer in to my life while shoo them away. And guess which girls stay around the longest, the ones I dont try and be alpha provider, as you know.

    However, one year I had a few fbs, on weekly rotations, and I decided to try and start getting relationshippy with one off the bat (not telling her about other girls). It was pretty great, she was hot, smart, we had a good thing, then after like 2 months of me continuing to fuck around and her investing heavily while I did not, we ended tumultously and immediately in a few weeks she had an orbiter as her bf. Prob still today a year or two gone by, actully theres multiple girls like this.

    Anyways, I was alpha lover and provider at the same time, and it was always this dynamic that netted great sex and low drama, for about a few months time, until SHE wanted exclusivity to which i balked and all that. And she got the hint, prob ran crazy head games on herself, and got a bf. Sometimes i feel bad.

    But currently, i straight up propositioned a chick (all fucked up from partying basically) and that went cold like grandmas potatoe salad.

    So my advice would be dont change anything, be both alpha lover and provider.
    Seduce her romantically strongly, make a huge initial impact, let it simmer, move her into fb for a month or 3+, go from seeing her 1 a week to 3 a week within a month or two, let her proposition you, and then you are basically where you want to be, no?

  4. #4
    Member hangman's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 2 votes.

    I think wanting a girlfriend is weakness to begin with.

    I honestly think I am not being cynical. I love having great girlfriends, but I really do not need one.

    What I would recommend is two things, both of which are cliche.

    1). Have an ideal "you" in mind and work towards it. Think big, and have big goals towards which you are working for. Big not necessarily in the "glitter" sense, but in the sense of difficulty and scale. Also, your idea of ideal "you" can evolve with time, as new data comes in. Do not be dogmatic.

    2). While you are on this trajectory, try to act more and more authentically. You cannot ever have the hope of having great girls in your life, if you are not expressing yourself freely around them. Note however that authentic does not mean being your old loser self, if thats where you started. Authentic means you are trying to be your best self, but your goal is not gaming HER.

    A great chick is one who sticks by your side as long as you are gaming yourself. A loser chick is one that forces you to game her and pump her emotions, at high cost for everyone involved.

    Figure out your values, aim towards your ideal you, and within those parameters freely express yourself instead of trying to micromanage/game her. Thats what is working for me at the moment. The chicks that you end up with when you do these things are usually custom-made for you by the good Lord himself.

    Note that a simple litmus test of whether a chick is good for you is whether you are having a good time with her when you are not doing conscious game on her, when you are around her. A generic cunt will repeatedly drive you towards manipulating her, even if you try to avoid it. Assuming you have your own life dialed to a reasonable degree.

    Don't have time, so this was probably too abstract for most people, but hopefully it wasn't entirely useless.

  5. #5
    Member Bacchus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drexel Scott View Post
    I want to START the relationship as Alpha Provider
    I have done this on a few occasions in the last couple years... and will probably do it again before the city submerges in snow.

    Since you want to start things off with the Alpha Provider frame... it might be useful to pace the seduction at a slightly slower rate... to set the right frames... give the romantic experience, etc. Sometimes I prefer doing things this way instead of the standard SNL or SDL... because I like to enjoy the process... of slightly elaborate seductions but that might just be my tastes. You'll want to present yourself... via dress-code and story-telling as sort of a contradiction... a man of layers basically.

    And have her try to peel back each layer in hopes to discover more and more about you... this process is extremely emotionally stimulating to her... as it plays into romance novel fantasies... as well as arousing because mild confusion and intrigue... is a good contrast to the usual.

    So I'd meet a girl via some day-game venue... open casually, probably some situational opener and then pull to a brief i-date.

    Create a strong emotional connection. Then leave with a phone number. Then on the day 2... use bounce-game and take her to a variety of atmospheric venues to provide a "welcome to my world" sort of experience. I make use of cafes, trendy bars, art galleries and the like. As early as possible, set the frame of what you're looking for... to clarify things... and have her implicitly agree to it before sex.

    I usually say something about how much I enjoy making portraits of girls... and describe it using NLP, emotional narratives. Have her imagine herself as my muse... then I'd segue the conversation into nude portraits and sexual themes... she'll engage excitedly then I'll bounce home... show her my work. Then we'll have sex.

    By that point or before... the girl will usually ask if I can make one of her... if she's shy she might wait until after we've already fucked. She'll ask to come back for a "portrait" and things develop from there. Or I'll just call her up. As far as actual provision goes... I will only offer great conversation, sex and artistic exploration.

    Tend to end up breaking things off after a short period... because boredom... but I digress.

  6. #6
    Member pureevil's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 2 votes.

    You're wanting an impossibility here. This:

    Quote Originally Posted by Drexel Scott View Post
    The classic PUA wisdom of "start off as alpha lover guy and transition into boyfriend role" is not what I'm looking for, it doesn't work for what I'm trying to do, and I don't want to present myself as alpha lover guy right off the bat. I want to START the relationship as Alpha Provider, with her knowing full well that my agreeing to enter a relationship means I'm not going to be sleeping with other girls, and not losing my power over it.
    Equals this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Drexel Scott View Post
    I just feel this inner painful "crushing" of my soul because I'm used to being in full-power mode around women 100% of the time and honestly that's not actually conducive to a relationship. So here I am, trying to find the balance and enter into a "real" relationship without giving up my alpha powers and unquestioned dominance, feeling horrible and weak and shitty every time I'm not in full control of the energy.
    So FORGET about STARTING a relationship agreeing to mono. WTF?? No wonder you feel soul crushed right off the bat, that's not alpha/provider that's straight beta bitch (as Hangman pointed out: its weakness.)

    The answer is very simple: spend more time with your FBs. Have them sleep over, watch movies all cuddled up in between sex sessions, grill and cook together, bring her to a bar with your friends, go shoot hoops together, etc. Whatever other stuff you enjoy doing, you can start bringing her to (occasionally at first, escalating slowly over weeks) ALONG with fucking her and acting within the alpha/lover frame.

    If you do this, and she's in a place for wanting more beyond a dildo (some won't want more, it is what it is), SHE will start to make moves towards the relationship, which you allow her to do over time. You shouldn't end up with any sort of power issues at all for at least a year or two this way, and you'll have yourself a girlfriend.

    As power issues come up in this natural and unforced unfolding of an alpha/provider relationship down the road, report back here for relationship management ideas. Power struggles should not be a concern at the start if you drop the "straight to mono, i want an instant alpha/provider relationship" disney-esque fantasy of yours. Straight-to-mono as the pre-sex frame is beta bitch, it requires an immediate giving up of power, and you will always feel soul crushed with this approach as a man who's seen the other side.

  7. #7



    my dad is an alpha provider. i'm just an alpha and he always pushes me to be an alpha provider. it's fucking exhausting but good for the soul for sure.

  8. #8
    Member cactus eyes's Avatar
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    seriously, alpha provider... what the hell? It just sounds like an alpha who has money? And now I'm thoroughly confused now, I figured drexel to be BD... alpha provider 2.0?

    Can I make up half names? Maybe I'll be alpha dildo
    In Ictu Oculi

  9. #9
    Member pureevil's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    Quote Originally Posted by cactus eyes View Post
    seriously, alpha provider... what the hell? It just sounds like an alpha who has money? And now I'm thoroughly confused now, I figured drexel to be BD... alpha provider 2.0?

    Can I make up half names? Maybe I'll be alpha dildo
    Alpha/provider is more in line with the classic definition of alpha, which means leadership over your clan. The PU version of "alpha" isn't really alpha, its more sigma or loner. Think Trump as an easy and immediate example. . . he cares greatly about his genetic legacy, so he has his immediate family he cares greatly about, teaches everything he knows to, and provides for. But also goes around grabbing pussy and fucking whoever he pleases. This is true alpha, where as a man you have it all.

    This is a bit too rigid for my taste. . but: http://www.girlschase.com/content/7-...alpha-provider

    This much of it is pretty spot on in my experience:

    "4 RULES OF ALPHA PROVIDER BEHAVIOR

    The four (4) rules of alpha provider behavior are:

    1. Rigidly-defined sex roles
    2. Intellectual dominance / frame control
    3. Address her legitimate concerns
    4. Flatten her frivolous ones"

  10. #10



    yeah exactly trump is an alpha provider.

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