Hey guys, I have a problem I wasnt able to solve yet on my workplace:
I have this weird emotion when sitting next to my team leader and it annoys me that I cannot let go of it. I cannot concentration on the work then. My attention always goes back to him. I cannot cut him out of my awareness and completely ignore him.
It is the situation that is fucked.
When I talk to him I have no single problem with him but when I want to work it fucks me up that he is sitting next to me. I always feel like I need to talk to him. It's damn hard to be quiet and concentrate myself. I KNOW the problem is me and not to blame the team leader. It's hard for me to accept that I often catch myself blaming him. However I need to find my peace while working around him.
To clarify the situation: I have absolute competence in doing my work when I'm alone. I like my work and I have fun doing it and Im doing it good.
I think it's a problem of near and distance. He is to close for me mentally. During conversation this is okay for me to share and exchange personal stories and be personal and be that close. But while working I need to be alone. And I dont feel like that when he is next to me. I cannot cut the connection then.
I'm just confused. I cannot identify what I expirience and I dont know how to handle it yet.
Some thoughts on the why:
-near and distance
-anxiety to make him angry (saw him several times raging on someone)
-last year on the christmas party he was crossing the "proffessional" line by poking me on the dancefloor.
which both leeds to feeling not 100% save
-too much of he is like me thoughts
-bringing problems with family to workplace
-feeling he nows how I feel and then feel extra bad for making him worry + thinking he feels the same way with me.
-beeing childish around him.
-bringing a family construct into the workplace, like feeling he is my father, my coworker is my brother and the older female coworker my mother.
so enough said. Either you understand my problem or not. I think you get the impression. However
@Impulse leaving is no option for me. This is one problem. I have several good reasons to stay.
@Ij is this one situation where you say it should not be analized because it gets worse? What's your input then? I live it almost daily so the answer cannot be, it comes with expirience.
Observation I think the personal lvl opened the room for mututal whining/complaining. That is a behaviour that I feel is not productive and that's why It disturbs me in my team leader. Because I have that vision of a good worker and when I look up I want to see that.
Anyhow, now it's home time so have a nice evening!