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  1. #131
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    This is exactly it. Give her some breathing room.

    I try to give both generals and examples. Sometimes the specifics help the generals and vice-versa, but we are all growing here.
    Yeah for sure. And i appreciate it. I do try to understand things as best I can because I know you guys have a ton of good insight. Even what little I DO understand is paying off huge.

    (Like Skills' story about licking the girl's face LOL!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post

    She can have sex with most men in your town that just want sex, but more often she chooses the men who choose to get to know her. Which is exactly towards your point at the end of your post of getting her to talk more.
    Yeah ok, so I'll do this more.

    I've noticed that people REALLY like talking to me, so I should double, triple, and quadruple-down on that. I try to understand people and I can't always relate, but I can often understand. Perhaps that's all that is needed?

    BTW, in your opinion, should I have helped her with her food? I'm thinking I should have. I don't really care if I get placed in the boyfriend role anymore, so long as the sex is regular, because I realized I care a lot about people, and I want to be able to care about women without turning them off of me sexually.

    Can you help me do that?


    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    [/COLOR]This works fine. Be your best version of you. Positivity of course.
    Ok, cool. What do you mean positivity tho?

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    [/COLOR]For you now this is just fine. Just realize that some people here, consider how far you have gotten to be 30 minutes in a nightclub. If success with women is what you are truly after then it is very likely you will have to grow and change to realize that success. It's hard enough at this game to be rigid in your approach, but at the same time the path is each a person's own.
    Well I'm rigid in my approach (i.e. I want to do daygame and not nightclubs) but I'm willing to adapt and change to do what works. Whatever works, is my motto. It's just I'd rather do what works in daygame if that makes sense.

    I really do want success with women though. I'm loving them so far man, I can't tell you. It's existential and very personal and I love it.

    Thanks for all your help too, I really appreciate it. I hope I'm putting it to good use and becoming a worthy male.

  2. #132
    Member Supernova's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    BTW, in your opinion, should I have helped her with her food? I'm thinking I should have. I don't really care if I get placed in the boyfriend role anymore, so long as the sex is regular, because I realized I care a lot about people, and I want to be able to care about women without turning them off of me sexually.

    Can you help me do that?

    It's really up to you. From what you describe, what I would have done is explored the house. I would have asked her about all of her nic nacs and I would have checked out all of her pictures that she has hanging around, or the books that she reads. There is so much to learn about a woman and for me I am interested in seeing what makes them who they are, even if it isn't something long-term. If I was you, I would have asked her about her weekly routine of food preparation because I find this interesting. If she had a fun job to do, then great. Stirring the noodles can be entertaining if you make it so.
    Ok, cool. What do you mean positivity tho?

    It's the difference between, "Shit my day was rough, glad I hit the gym." And "Omg I blasted my pecs today, feels awesome, thought you should know!"
    I really do want success with women though. I'm loving them so far man, I can't tell you. It's existential and very personal and I love it.

    Thanks for all your help too, I really appreciate it. I hope I'm putting it to good use and becoming a worthy male.

    They are amazing creatures and worth the effort. Try not to call people trolls when it is not warranted though. The group of guys here are top notch for character and their willingness to help. Just being a part of the group and interacting will bring your game up in ways that you may not notice.
    -Supernova

  3. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    It's really up to you. From what you describe, what I would have done is explored the house. I would have asked her about all of her nic nacs and I would have checked out all of her pictures that she has hanging around, or the books that she reads. There is so much to learn about a woman and for me I am interested in seeing what makes them who they are, even if it isn't something long-term. If I was you, I would have asked her about her weekly routine of food preparation because I find this interesting. If she had a fun job to do, then great. Stirring the noodles can be entertaining if you make it so.
    Ok, the only reason I didn't help her was because I thought it would make me seem "beta" and make me lose standing in her eyes. I won't make that mistake again. Thanks for clarifying this for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post

    It's the difference between, "Shit my day was rough, glad I hit the gym." And "Omg I blasted my pecs today, feels awesome, thought you should know!"
    Ok but, is this a fundamental thing (i.e. you have to be positive or things won';t work?) or is it a personal preference?

    I ask because we had a convo via text a few days ago about the gym. She texts me "Bloody leg day!!!!!!" and we get talking. eventually it comes out that I'm doing leg day too and she's like "That sucks" and I'm like "Yeah, not looking forward"

    In this instance we are bonding over our mutual disdain for leg day. Is that better than being positive? That's what I'm wondering. I'm also wondering if I all of a sudden go Mr. Positive if it'll freak her out because it won't be congruent.


    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    They are amazing creatures and worth the effort. Try not to call people trolls when it is not warranted though. The group of guys here are top notch for character and their willingness to help. Just being a part of the group and interacting will bring your game up in ways that you may not notice. [/COLOR]
    Fair enough. I just don't like being downvoted without being told what I can do to improve. that is just not cool.

    EDIT: Oh, btw, in regards to "giving her space". I'm wondering why one couldn't, say, make out (as in, lips and tongues touching) for, say, an hour straight, and then give her space.

    I get the feeling that wouldn't work (because that was kind of what I was going for last friday, but obviously she didn't respond well) so... is it more of a calibration thing again?

    If it is, how do you decide she needs space vs. needs kissing?

  4. #134
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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    I ask because we had a convo via text a few days ago about the gym. She texts me "Bloody leg day!!!!!!" and we get talking. eventually it comes out that I'm doing leg day too and she's like "That sucks" and I'm like "Yeah, not looking forward"

    It's the underlying message that you want to send in your communication. Sharing experiences about how you can't stand leg day is fine because she is going to feel warmth and connection from you. The only thing I say in watching out for negatives is such that you don't get associated with negativity. People will associate you with whatever experience you give them. This is why if you meet up with a woman and you start complaining about your boss it is not going to go well. She may have the same experience, but she is going to bring up those feelings (negativity) and associate you with those feelings.
    I get the feeling that wouldn't work (because that was kind of what I was going for last friday, but obviously she didn't respond well) so... is it more of a calibration thing again?

    If it is, how do you decide she needs space vs. needs kissing?

    Just give it more practice. When she is pursuing you and hoping that you will kiss her and escalate on her it's a good sign. I don't expect you to see these signs because they are quite subtle. One thing you can be aware of though is if she keeps talking during a movie. If she is not actively watching it and wants more to connect with you, then this is usually a good sign she wants to do stuff with you.
    -Supernova

  5. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    It's the underlying message that you want to send in your communication. Sharing experiences about how you can't stand leg day is fine because she is going to feel warmth and connection from you. The only thing I say in watching out for negatives is such that you don't get associated with negativity. People will associate you with whatever experience you give them. This is why if you meet up with a woman and you start complaining about your boss it is not going to go well. She may have the same experience, but she is going to bring up those feelings (negativity) and associate you with those feelings.
    Well that'll be a problem then because I'm genuinely cynical.

    How can I be positive without coming across as incongruent and fake?

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post

    Just give it more practice. When she is pursuing you and hoping that you will kiss her and escalate on her it's a good sign. I don't expect you to see these signs because they are quite subtle. One thing you can be aware of though is if she keeps talking during a movie. If she is not actively watching it and wants more to connect with you, then this is usually a good sign she wants to do stuff with you. [/COLOR]
    Good to know, thank you.

    Because during the movie there were indeed a few times where she started talking to me about stuff. I just thought it was because she wasn't feeling the sexy time so I took it as a bad sign lol. Crazy.

    There were of course times where she was silent as a mouse though.

    But when I got up to leave, she started talking with me again, asking what my day was like tomorrow and stuff like that. Then we had the crazy makeout. So yeah, I hope it's not over with her.

    Anyhow, I'm loving this insight, it;s really helping.

  6. #136
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    Well that'll be a problem then because I'm genuinely cynical.

    How can I be positive without coming across as incongruent and fake?

    Seeing yourself as being cynical is a deeper problem. It's not that you are a cynical person, but that you have cynical behaviors. Why do you choose such ways of looking at the world and acting like such?
    But when I got up to leave, she started talking with me again, asking what my day was like tomorrow and stuff like that. Then we had the crazy makeout. So yeah, I hope it's not over with her.

    The fear of loss is a much more powerful motivator of human behavior than is the anticipation of pleasure. This is why making out for an hour (pleasure) is less beneficial than making out for one minute and then going to the bathroom (loss).
    -Supernova

  7. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    Seeing yourself as being cynical is a deeper problem. It's not that you are a cynical person, but that you have cynical behaviors. Why do you choose such ways of looking at the world and acting like such?
    Because I grew up in a home where my mother ignored shit and us kids suffered because of it. So now, I don't like to sugar coat things or ignore harsh realities, I'd rather have them on my mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post

    The fear of loss is a much more powerful motivator of human behavior than is the anticipation of pleasure. This is why making out for an hour (pleasure) is less beneficial than making out for one minute and then going to the bathroom (loss). [/COLOR]
    Makes sense, but then why do people play slot machines? They keep playing (loss) in the hopes of getting a payout (pleasure). That's like the opposite.

    Also, how can I use this to get this girl back?

    EDIT: oh yeah, and if loss is so compelling, why is being positive such a good thing? Shouldn't you be negative then?

  8. #138
    Member Sase's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 3 votes.

    Quote Originally Posted by SargeMaximus View Post
    Because I grew up in a home where my mother ignored shit and us kids suffered because of it. So now, I don't like to sugar coat things or ignore harsh realities, I'd rather have them on my mind...
    Don't be a victim. It's as unsexy as it gets.
    Learn gratitude, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by SargeMaximus View Post
    ...

    Makes sense, but then why do people play slot machines? They keep playing (loss) in the hopes of getting a payout (pleasure). That's like the opposite.

    Also, how can I use this to get this girl back?

    EDIT: oh yeah, and if loss is so compelling, why is being positive such a good thing? Shouldn't you be negative then?
    Supernova is trying to help you. Here it sounds like you're just arguing for the sake of argument. Or did you really not understand? Fear of loss is a motivator because people are trying to avoid loss. Here's another example: would you wager $100 dollars on a coin toss where you win $130 if it lands heads, but you lose $100 if it lands tails? Most people answer in the negative. Even though the math is in your favor, the possible pain outweighs the equally possible (greater) gain.
    To answer your slot machine question: people don't register the loss but they do register the near win as a win. It's a double psychological whammy.
    Still people hurt more from fear of loss than the real loss. They will avoid this fear, and other unpleasant emotions, and they will avoid you if you insist on being associated with these emotions.
    How do you get her back? You don't. Get her forward. Your own fear of loss is paralyzing you. Stop scheming. Don't wait too long to call her and move things forward. The worst that can happen is she'll say "No." If you do nothing then you're already at "No."

  9. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sase View Post
    Don't be a victim. It's as unsexy as it gets.
    Learn gratitude, etc.
    Oh my, I didn't think it would come out that way.

    I'm not playing the victim, I'm just mentioning that it is a fact that I have an aversion to optimism and ignoring problems because of those experiences. I would much rather solve problems than ignore them.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sase View Post

    Supernova is trying to help you. Here it sounds like you're just arguing for the sake of argument. Or did you really not understand?
    I really did not understand. I don't argue just for the sake of arguing.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sase View Post
    Fear of loss is a motivator because people are trying to avoid loss. Here's another example: would you wager $100 dollars on a coin toss where you win $130 if it lands heads, but you lose $100 if it lands tails? Most people answer in the negative. Even though the math is in your favor, the possible pain outweighs the equally possible (greater) gain.
    Ok, that makes sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sase View Post
    To answer your slot machine question: people don't register the loss but they do register the near win as a win. It's a double psychological whammy.
    Still people hurt more from fear of loss than the real loss. They will avoid this fear, and other unpleasant emotions, and they will avoid you if you insist on being associated with these emotions.
    Shit, I think I am associated with those emotions. :/ How can i change that without turning into someone who ignores problems?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sase View Post
    How do you get her back? You don't. Get her forward. Your own fear of loss is paralyzing you. Stop scheming. Don't wait too long to call her and move things forward. The worst that can happen is she'll say "No." If you do nothing then you're already at "No."
    Fair enough. I'll contact her wednesday.

    Would you say calling her is better than texting?

  10. #140
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    Either one. Seems you are more comfortable calling and don't like texting much. Texting works best for me. I like it and I hate talking on the phone. (I have an accent which works to my advantage IRL but annoys the hell out of me when I have to repeat myself over the phone.) Good luck!

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