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  1. #21
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    Hey cactus, thanks for the props and the insight!

    I'll try to do more convos like you suggest, but it's interesting you bring up her disappointment because I suspect I do that a LOT to girls. I also wonder how I can "be my own man" if I have to constantly walk on eggshells in that manner. :/

    For now, I think I should be focusing on having what Circulator termed "fruitful conversations".

    Relating and stuff.

    If I learned one thing from this it's that girls are interested in me but I'm the one who turns them off. It's like being in a minefield. And it's honestly quite limiting and frustrating. I feel repressed.

    Asian girl was studying me hard with her eyes and I could tell she was weighing me out which is good I guess.

    Anyhow, thanks again.

  2. #22
    Member cactus eyes's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    No problem, I feel great results coming within the year for sure!

    Quote Originally Posted by SargeMaximus View Post
    but it's interesting you bring up her disappointment because I suspect I do that a LOT to girls. I also wonder how I can "be my own man" if I have to constantly walk on eggshells in that manner. :/.
    Don't worry about walking on eggshells, it's not necessarily submitting to her as much as it is showing her you can read and understand her signals. Once you have a back and forth then you can begin to reign the niceties, and she just might do the same
    In Ictu Oculi

  3. #23
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cactus eyes View Post
    No problem, I feel great results coming within the year for sure!

    Don't worry about walking on eggshells, it's not necessarily submitting to her as much as it is showing her you can read and understand her signals. Once you have a back and forth then you can begin to reign the niceties, and she just might do the same
    Thanks man. I'm making losing my V my #1 goal this year (just like last year lol).

    And ok, I'll come at it from the conversation angle. Thanks.

  4. #24
    Member Supernova's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 2 votes.

    Make it a focus for you to give rather than ask so much from other people.

    In your first conversion notice how you are always asking her for something without offering anything of value:

    "Whats up?" "How are you?" "What are you doing later?"

    These questions are all on her to spend a lot of time and energy thinking about answering and for what? What does she get for answering. Make your conversation instead:

    "Just came from the food court and saw the coolest thing..." "My friend just broke up with his girlfriend because of her toes, you think that is ok?" "I had a fortune cookie the other day that I would find trouble in unseen places, but all I see is nice people that love me. Who are you?"
    -Supernova

  5. #25
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    Make it a focus for you to give rather than ask so much from other people.

    In your first conversion notice how you are always asking her for something without offering anything of value:

    "Whats up?" "How are you?" "What are you doing later?"
    Well I've noticed people like talking to me when I ask them about themselves. "How To Win Friends and Influence People" style. That's what I was trying to do there. Develop a dialog where she can talk about herself and I can comment on things she says. When I can accomplish that dynamic, it's usually really great.

    But you're saying that asking people questions (even if it's ones that get them to talk about themselves) is still leeching value?

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    These questions are all on her to spend a lot of time and energy thinking about answering and for what? What does she get for answering. Make your conversation instead:

    "Just came from the food court and saw the coolest thing..." "My friend just broke up with his girlfriend because of her toes, you think that is ok?" "I had a fortune cookie the other day that I would find trouble in unseen places, but all I see is nice people that love me. Who are you?"
    Ok so I don't get that at all lol. Clearly it's something I need to learn.

    I actually did try something like this once, I told a woman she looked like a gypsy because of her hair lol. It didn't go over well.

    I take it there's a right way and wrong way to do this.

  6. #26
    Member Tagz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SargeMaximus View Post
    Well I've noticed people like talking to me when I ask them about themselves. "How To Win Friends and Influence People" style. That's what I was trying to do there. Develop a dialog where she can talk about herself and I can comment on things she says. When I can accomplish that dynamic, it's usually really great.

    But you're saying that asking people questions (even if it's ones that get them to talk about themselves) is still leeching value?



    Ok so I don't get that at all lol. Clearly it's something I need to learn.

    I actually did try something like this once, I told a woman she looked like a gypsy because of her hair lol. It didn't go over well.

    I take it there's a right way and wrong way to do this.

    Well imo asking questions like that are great if you want to have a logical discussion but we want women to FEEL emotionally charged responses. It's more about relating and creating a bubble of space for the both of you. If all you ask is "how are you" or "what's up?" this is generating auto pilot response on the girls part and forcing her to THINK Logically. Those topic bits Supernova said evokes an emotional reaction from the girl. Yes she still thinks but not from an auto pilot standpoint if that makes sense?

  7. #27
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tagz View Post
    Well imo asking questions like that are great if you want to have a logical discussion but we want women to FEEL emotionally charged responses. It's more about relating and creating a bubble of space for the both of you. If all you ask is "how are you" or "what's up?" this is generating auto pilot response on the girls part and forcing her to THINK Logically. Those topic bits Supernova said evokes an emotional reaction from the girl. Yes she still thinks but not from an auto pilot standpoint if that makes sense?
    Yes that makes sense, and I'm going to try doing that from now on.

    And I know I'm risking pissing people off, but...

    the girl I ended up getting my first makeout with I only did the logical stuff so I'm just wondering why it worked at all if it "doesn't work". Know what I'm saying?

    Just trying to reconcile shit on this crazy journey lol.

  8. #28
    Member Supernova's Avatar
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    Well I've noticed people like talking to me when I ask them about themselves. "How To Win Friends and Influence People" style. That's what I was trying to do there. Develop a dialog where she can talk about herself and I can comment on things she says. When I can accomplish that dynamic, it's usually really great.

    But you're saying that asking people questions (even if it's ones that get them to talk about themselves) is still leeching value?

    So you have to give in a way that is valuable for other people. I can hand out flowers on the street to girls and while I may think this is valuable, these flowers are worthless to the girls or even less if they come with the requirement of them reciprocating as well. The same goes with your conversation.

    I know the style you are referring to with How to Win Friends and Influence and I have to tell you that probably 80% of the time my dates are spent with me asking questions and them answering. This however is when it is valuable for them to talk about themselves. You have to put yourself in their shoes, "whats up" is of so low of value that they can shit on it. If you are on a date with a women and she is fairly into you and you ask about her childhood, this is immensely valuable and she will love telling you because she gets so much value from this.

    Questions are beautiful and most guys don't use them on dates, but to think you are going to keep a conversation going by asking a woman whats up and how are you is far-fetched. For the same reasons, "You're beautiful." Doesn't work either. It is not valuable to her because you are communicating that you just want to have sex with her. Communicate first that you are someone worth sharing with, then you have the opportunity to ask questions that are important to her for her to answer.
    -Supernova

  9. #29
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    I don't understand most of that so I'll do more approaches before I ask any more questions.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by SargeMaximus View Post
    I don't understand most of that so I'll do more approaches before I ask any more questions.
    1. Aim to give. 2. Look to understand how she's sees things as valuable.

    Keep approaching you will see.
    -Supernova

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