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  1. #31
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 1.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    1. Aim to give. 2. Look to understand how she's sees things as valuable.

    Keep approaching you will see.
    Ok, will do.

    Btw, how do those steps you mentioned differ from what COCPORN calls "permissive" behavior?

  2. #32
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    At the gym today tried to be positive with the girl working the desk. Instead of enjoy it, she seemed taken aback by it. I don't understand what "value" means at ALL.

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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    Quote Originally Posted by SargeMaximus View Post
    At the gym today tried to be positive with the girl working the desk. Instead of enjoy it, she seemed taken aback by it. I don't understand what "value" means at ALL.
    What happened?

    I think value meaning what's important to that person. A girl who likes/wants to travel could value a guy who's traveled for instance. He could talk about many places he's seen or experienced especially if he put it in such a descriptive way that she can envision it. Then without asking for anything in return from her he could just take her somewhere she never been. That's giving value because you're giving her an experience. This is just my take on it btw. If someone else has a way better explanation I'm all for it.

  4. #34
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    This post has been ranked 1.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tagz View Post
    What happened?
    I walked up to the desk, smiled at the girl and said "Hi." she's like "How are you?" I try to be upbeat and say "I'm GOOD how are you?"

    She doesn't answer and helps me with my membership tag (needs to be scanned) and says "have a great workout"

    Quote Originally Posted by Tagz View Post

    I think value meaning what's important to that person. A girl who likes/wants to travel could value a guy who's traveled for instance. He could talk about many places he's seen or experienced especially if he put it in such a descriptive way that she can envision it. Then without asking for anything in return from her he could just take her somewhere she never been. That's giving value because you're giving her an experience. This is just my take on it btw. If someone else has a way better explanation I'm all for it.
    Again, I don't see the difference between doing this and doing the so-called beta thing "permisiveness".

    Isn't permisiveness when you augment yourself for the girl's benefit?

  5. #35
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    This post has been ranked 1.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    Ok, what the fuck is with all the downvoting? I'm trying to learn and improve myself and I get downvoted? Wtf kind of community is this?

    I've done nothing but improve and try to understand things and I keep getting downvoted! Seriously, wtf??

    EDIT:

    Here is the issue I'm having with the "permissive" behavior bit:

    DIRECT Quote from COCPORN's Book:

    "Your core values are always going to shine through. These are not important
    directly to “create attraction”, meaning, you do not want to pick core values to
    align with someone.
    This isn’t necessary; it is actually an attraction killer. This
    kind of behavior is highly supplicating and what we usually consider "permissive"
    .

    And then:

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    So you have to give in a way that is valuable for other people.
    and

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    2. Look to understand how she's sees things as valuable.

    and

    Quote Originally Posted by Tagz View Post
    I think value meaning what's important to that person. A girl who likes/wants to travel could value a guy who's traveled for instance. He could talk about many places he's seen or experienced especially if he put it in such a descriptive way that she can envision it. Then without asking for anything in return from her he could just take her somewhere she never been. That's giving value because you're giving her an experience. This is just my take on it btw. If someone else has a way better explanation I'm all for it.

    Yes indeed. If someone can explain this I'm all for it too, hence the questions.

    I'm not going to stop asking the question just because I've been downvoted, I'll stop asking the question when it's been explained.

  6. #36
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    Nevermind, I think I get it now. It's not supplicating if it gets you your intended result.

    Gonna do more approaches soon.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by SargeMaximus View Post
    Nevermind, I think I get it now. It's not supplicating if it gets you your intended result. ...
    LOL. Bass Ackwards! Abandoning your values to obtain something you really want ("pussy", no less) is the definition of supplication.
    Lemme think. I see you're trying your darnest. It's pretty simple, really, maybe too simple. Maybe that's why people can't answer your questions. I'll be back...

  8. #38
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    OK, so Supernova said "1) Aim to give. 2) Look to understand..." And that confused you.
    "1)" means stop being a selfish bastard, obsessed with your (one) need;
    "2)" means you have to somehow overcome the Autistic disconnect that seems to follow you. It can be done. You can learn to care for people and to read their emotions and needs.
    Somehow you feel that giving value to another person is supplicating (or "permissive"). It is if you are a very selfish person who hurts when making someone else happy. Kindness, generosity, and gratefulness are some of my core values. I do not alter those for anybody. I also do not associate with people who do not share in those values (no matter how hot they might be.) If I show kindness and it is met with entitlement instead of grace, I walk away from that person. There is no chance my kindness will be read as supplication.
    Here is a concrete example using your interaction today: "
    I walked up to the desk, smiled at the girl and said
    "Hi." she's like "How are you?" I try to be upbeat and say "I'm GOOD how are you?"


    She doesn't answer and helps me with my membership tag (needs to be scanned) and says "have a great workout"
    It sounds like she might have been tired, annoyed, preoccupied. You could have looked around and said: "Wow, it looks packed today. Long day?" "How are you doing (holding up, etc.)?" Show some empathy. Then show gratitude for her work, encourage her: "I'm sure it gets tough sometimes but think of all the good you're doing. The people you're helping live longer, healthier, happier..."
    Yeah, all this might not get you laid but it's a basic skill and a prerequisite to Seduction 101.

  9. #39
    Member SargeMaximus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sase View Post
    OK, so Supernova said "1) Aim to give. 2) Look to understand..." And that confused you.
    "1)" means stop being a selfish bastard, obsessed with your (one) need;
    "2)" means you have to somehow overcome the Autistic disconnect that seems to follow you. It can be done. You can learn to care for people and to read their emotions and needs.
    I wasn't confused as to what it meant so much as how to do it in a way that wasn't supplicating.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sase View Post
    Somehow you feel that giving value to another person is supplicating (or "permissive"). It is if you are a very selfish person who hurts when making someone else happy. Kindness, generosity, and gratefulness are some of my core values. I do not alter those for anybody. I also do not associate with people who do not share in those values (no matter how hot they might be.) If I show kindness and it is met with entitlement instead of grace, I walk away from that person. There is no chance my kindness will be read as supplication.
    Ok, just so you know, my mother is one of those people, so this is very difficult for me. It's hard when what people value is your submission, you know? Also, my whole family seems f*cked up (my counselor agrees).

    Just today I mentioned to my brother if I were him I'd get his cough checked out (sounds like he's dying, and it's been going on a LONG time, and he's in denial about it, saying it's only been a few days when it's weeks. He's a smoker and is so thin he looks like he lives in a third world country).

    Isn't that caring for people?


    Quote Originally Posted by Sase View Post
    Here is a concrete example using your interaction today: "
    I walked up to the desk, smiled at the girl and said
    "Hi." she's like "How are you?" I try to be upbeat and say "I'm GOOD how are you?"


    She doesn't answer and helps me with my membership tag (needs to be scanned) and says "have a great workout"
    It sounds like she might have been tired, annoyed, preoccupied. You could have looked around and said: "Wow, it looks packed today. Long day?" "How are you doing (holding up, etc.)?" Show some empathy. Then show gratitude for her work, encourage her: "I'm sure it gets tough sometimes but think of all the good you're doing. The people you're helping live longer, healthier, happier..."
    Yeah, all this might not get you laid but it's a basic skill and a prerequisite to Seduction 101.
    Ok, thanks. To be honest I did do this alot before finding the community but then I thought it was beta to be an emotional tampon.

    Another thing that confuses me is the supportive thing.

    I tried this with my hairdresser yesterday, she was going on about working out and how hard it is. I was like "yeah I know, it's tough. But I think it's good that you're improving yourself" and she just went silent. ?

  10. #40
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    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    Kindness is not supplicating. But it's difficult for me to explain.
    Do you see a difference between "niceness" and "kindness"? Maybe that's a good way to start. Let me know your thoughts.
    Another thought: I read a sentence long time ago, I don't remember the author (French), or the book title, but it said something like "Only a true slave is afraid to hold another man's coat." Does that make any sense?
    Emotional tampon is bad. Really bad. I was talking about more of a "Come to Daddy." energy. Be Boss! (Not a rag.)
    Regarding the supportive thing, sometimes listening is the first and most supportive thing. That's a big one, with which I'm still struggling myself. Maybe the hairdresser was actually bragging (some people sound like they are complaining when they are bragging). Instead of reassurance right away it would be better to listen more,and milk it more. "How do you feel about blah-blah?"
    Anyway "nice" vs. "kind " is a big one for you. :et me think what you think of that. It will clarify some confusion around supplication.

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