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  1. #21


    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    Sase basically pointed it out quite obviously: if sex would be the "next logical step" after you found you like someone a lot, it would also apply to close family and friends which for most people doesn't apply (plus it's illegal on the family part, at least in my country). Sexual attraction is somewhat different from emotional connection, and while it seems to have some connections on a basic level, it doesn't necessarily correlate. In fact, the correlation for many people at least long-term seems to be a negative one: the more you get to know someone, the less sexual attraction there is.

    I believe that the cause of this is mostly because most people I know have only experienced one kind of sexuality which is the adventurous type, meaning you're feeling quite different from your sexual partner and the difference and the difficulty of establishing common ground (with your bodies and your mind) does seem attractive. After you get to know each other better, the adventure aspect fades so most people feel less attracted to each other. There's another type of sexuality that has a lot to do with the feeling of home, of belonging, and this one draws from a feeling of knowing each other well. Usually people are dissatisfied with just the home one (or don't know how to find pleasure in it) so they will seek new adventurous experiences and lose interest in someone they've already "used up" as an adventure partner. It is why good friends will sometimes agree on some sexual exploration with you, it's usually less exciting (since you already know each other which lessens the adventure part) but it can be quite pleasureable anyway if you learn to enjoy the belonging type of sexuality.

    As I wrote earlier, you do not "create" attraction, all you can really do is remove the obstacles in your own mind and (if she trusts you enough) help her remove hers.

    Jester
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  2. #22
    Member ijjjji's Avatar
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    -I posted that link as an intro to beginning to understand what attraction is! (Because it helped me back in 2003, when it was originally posted.)
    -NOT as a 'DO LIKE THIS AND YOU WILL GET LAID'.
    -And please ignore 2nd half of the post.
    Loves: Shy Girl-coding into Starry-eyed Extroversion, spamming Open-loops and Mini-cold-reads and lots of light kino.
    Hates: Putting pressure on others. Things that feel 'brainy'.

  3. #23


    This post has been ranked 10.00 out of 10 with 1 votes.

    I've had female friends that would act visibly and verbally repulsed by me and then when they were drunk grab on my dick and shit so stranger things have happened but you have oneitis cause you're being a pussy and not collecting leads. Game = 101.

  4. #24
    Member COCPORN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    Fractionation is a term based in hypnosis and is more simple than you make it here.

    It's a pattern of intensity and stillness. What you talk about here is just showing interest and backing off. Yes this does work as a loss of attention/affection/pleasure is far more powerful than continued amounts of such feelings.

    Such talk about high pressure in the way that you frame it is challenging to come across. When you tell a girl she is cute and you are interested, there is a lot of pressure on her. For the man that has success in this strategy I respect greatly, but feel that is beneficial to know that there are more options than just this and the implications are high reward yet high risk here.
    I went on to Wile E. it myself. (Verbing a cartoon character, way to start a post.)

    Fractionation is indeed a term from hypnosis, and it is related to "what we do" and "how we do it".

    In hypnosis (I am only trained at a complete novice level) it is about bringing someone out before going deeper. It is compared to a "rubber band" effect. If you keep pushing, the band will break. If you release for a while and let it rest, it will go further the next time.

    This is really what I am thinking of when I think about fractionation. It is about getting acceptance for something that might be closing to 4% inside of someone's comfort zone and let it rest. Only to rinse, repeat, and finally get acceptance for something that people would not accept at all, through the magic of incremental acceptance. Every time knowing people's acceptance is going to grow. The reason, is obviously multifold; they will get used to you ("Oh, he's like that"), they will stretch their own limits ("I've never really laughed at a dead MILF joke before"), they will invest ("I didn't care for that fucking guy at first, but now... Now."). You are playing inside people's comfort zone while massively expanding it at the same time.

    I think there is an art to the "downtime" when fractionating, because it isn't just about waiting, per se. What you communicate while you wait for the rubber band to cool down seems important to me.

    There is a natural ebb and flow of tension when you're doing this kind of fractionation. And when you look at things in a larger perspective, signalling that you can control the creation and release of tension is obviously great. Fractionation is the technique. Tension control is the irresistible arch that is built on top of it for anyone watching.

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