Breakup Talk

[kotao]

Hey dudes,

My girl of 2.5 years is coming by tomorrow and my gut says it is for a breakup talk. I would like to salvage the relationship if possible.

We have been great together up to this point. Just in the past couple months since she started taking a high hormone birth control things have gotten a little rocky. Ironically she is supposed to get off it tomorrow. The recent rockiness wasn't so concerning because the sex has not dropped off at all. It's actually gotten better.

I've fought hard against betaisation all along, and I may have developed an attainability issue. We had a fight a few days ago and she told me she does not feel safe and secure lately and she wants me to be more of a 'knight in shining armor' for her. Says she sometimes cries by herself because she is scared of losing me. It's strange that she would call me out because if you ask me, I give more freely than I should, and she has been slowly starting to take me for granted in the past couple months. I have been hoping things would go back to normal once she switch bcp's again.

After I comforted her and she calmed down I told her how I was feeling lately and she became hysterical. Looking back I regret taking the discussion there. Definitely didn't give her the safe secure feeling she needed. Poor timing for sure.

So after that incident, she goes MIA for a few days and finally sends a message today "she would like to talk.." and was very businesslike in arranging the meet

I feel like I hurt her deeply and she is too proud to accept an olive branch now. I want to talk her down from the ledge, but I'm afraid that's coming from the AFC side of my brain. What do you think? She seems to be distancing herself so would I be better off doing the same?


Any advice?



Thanks,


kotao

[JWS]

Next!

[tryhard]

I would like to salvage the relationship if possible.

Definitely didn't give her the safe secure feeling she needed. Poor timing for sure.

I feel like I hurt her deeply and she is too proud to accept an olive branch now. I want to talk her down from the ledge

Look at how much responsibility you are taking for saving this relationship and for her emotional state. This can't end well. Anytime it feels like you care more about continuing the relationship than she does it is a really bad sign. I very much doubt you are doing anything to be actively cruel to her? So all this hurt and upset she feels can only be that she is not getting her own way somehow.

Think about it - as a guy you presumably value your freedom. The ability to fuck around and do as you choose has massive value. In entering a relationship you give up some freedom. Now surely you should only be willing to sacrifice some freedom if your relationship is awesome and your gf treats you like a king. You are the one who should constantly be assessing if this relationship is working for you.

The end of a relationship may be a sad thing - but the freedom you get back should mean you are never particularly worried if this happens. You can enjoy a relationship and you enjoy being single. Now consider how far your relationship must now be from how it should be.Your gf is the one asking 'is this working for me?'. The girl who at in the beginning was thinking 'I wonder how I can get this great guy to be my bf' has flipped the script completely.

Forget what she's thinking or what she needs in this relationship. Is this relationship working for you? I can't see how it can be.

[Stream]

next ... MIA for 2 days just doesn't cut it!