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Thread: Relationships - does game ruin you as a potential husband?

  1. #1

    Question Relationships - does game ruin you as a potential husband?

    I read a very interesting blog post recently entitled 'Does Game Ruin You As a Potential Husband'. I found it VERY interesting.

    Here it is - http://www.practicalpickup.com/does-...ential-husband.

    For the past 4-5 years I’ve been very successful with this stuff. I've lived the ‘PUA’ lifestyle, seeing ~3 girls at any one time, threesomes, rapid seductions, all the stuff you read in the marketing. Side note - I'm not here to build a reputation to then sell services - this is a genuine question from a genuine, advanced guy.

    It’s been a wild ride, however I do want to have a family someday and I believe stability in a relationship is required for this. This is something that even for the best of us can cause some internal conflict as comitting to just one girl is almost considered 'the loser' thing to do in some circles (and these relationships are described as hell). Note – I am skilled at getting women into MLTRs, but I’d like to try something different for a change. Shock! - maybe even give the regular, LTR thing a go.

    I am in my early 30's, have no kids and I have never been married.

    I'm running into problems where I'd be with a highly confident, awesome girl (who took a significant amount of Day2-ing to find) and then have drama because my default behaviour is to 'act available' and flirt when I'm out and about (even when I am very content in a great relationship with a great girl).

    Does anyone have any good recommendations for resources on relationships?

    The only material I have found that is worthwhile is Blackdragons book on MLTRs. This is a fantastic book, and I am very aware of BD's view on relationships and have read the OLTRs and having children section. I'd like to read a few more opinons.

    In fact, I just re-read one section of one his books regarding how critical it is to 'know your objective'. I've got to do some soul searching on this one, the more that I think about it the more I suspect this is my real problem here. Maybe there is a part of me that is not ready to 'settle down' (and is subconciously sabotaging me). Perhaps that is the case for EVERY guy who has options - I'm not sure if that part of us ever goes away.

    Any advice on this would also be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Guru Blackdragon's Avatar
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    That's a big question, and I only just scanned the link, but the short answer is this:

    Yes, being an Alpha reduces your odds of making a long-term monogamous relationship work. Provider AFCs actually have higher odds of making a long-term mono-relationship or mono-marriage work. However! The odds are so bad for them as well, I wouldn't worry about it. Their odds are pretty shitty too. The only real difference is Alphas dump (or cheat and get caught) and AFC get dumped. Either way, the relationship is more or less over.

    What I call the Christian Troy Disease (CTD) is where HD alpha guys keep trying to get into monogamous or "serious" relationships and always end up cheating and getting caught or dumping the chick (usually cheating and getting caught). It's a silly way to live in my view.

    You're in for a much better life if you A) admit who and what you are and B) understand fully what that means and integrate it into your life.
    Last edited by Blackdragon; 10-10-2011 at 04:12 PM. Reason: Spelling
    How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
    The Blackdragon Blog

  3. #3
    Forum Czar Tubarao's Avatar
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    Pix,

    The article is right in that many of the skills you've spent years cultivating don't help in a relationship, and can actually be a detriment. And when you do get into the relationship, you will have to spend almost the same amount of time unlearning those skills and learning new relationship skills. This can be very frustrating for both you and the woman you're with. Personally I think it's worth it because I'm always striving to challenge myself and continue learning. But "settling down" is anything but, if you intend for the relationship to be happy and successful.

    You have to know up front the reasons why you want to have an LTR. If the reason is to "try it out", the relationship will fail. You must have strong and meaningful reasons for why you choose to be in an LTR. That PURPOSE is what will continue to motivate you during the rough times when you're thinking, "why am I dealing with this crap when can I just go out and meet new girls who don't give me shit?" And shit you will get, in large doses. It doesn't matter how awesome you are. It's simply the nature of a woman to shit test you, and this is hugely amplified in relationships. If you are not willing to ACCEPT a woman for being a woman, you will end up taking her behavior personally and resenting her, and that's poisonous to the relationship.

    You have to be willing to dedicate yourself to the relationship as much as much as you dedicated yourself to learning PU in the first place. It won't require the same amount of physical energy (going out every night, etc.), but it definitely requires you to be constantly attentive and intuitive. Every time you become complacent, SHE WILL LET YOU KNOW. If you're serious about having the relationship succeed, and you want it to be positive for the both of you, then you will have to swallow your pride often and learn from your partner. This is very challenging when you're coming from a life where your ego is your primary tool and simultaneously a huge source of validation (PU is largely about embracing your male ego and exerting it). If you can't let learn to let go of your ego and you can't learn to find validation from other sources, you will suffer in the relationship.

    Enter into an LTR only if it's something you're extremely serious about.

  4. #4
    Moderator Yarbles's Avatar
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    In my case, game has ruined me as a potential husband. Definitely. I have such huge abundance mentality that I could never be monogamous for more than a couple of weeks straight. There's a new pussy lurking around every corner. Simply too much temptation.

    I'm also aware of the punishing effects that marriage can have on your sex life. I didn't have any clue about this before learning game. So now, the only thing I offer women is fun, excitement, and alpha sperm. Marriage and commitment are not even up for discussion.
    Dreams become real, but often not in the way you expect

  5. #5
    Every time I have tried to have a serious discussion with a woman about having a serious relationship, the woman has hijacked shit so bad that we never end up having sex, and I feel being manipulated. I learnt my lesson. Discussing relationships in a serious manner with women has just resulted in blue-balls, wasted time, and nothing accomplished. In fact, just having sex with random women doesn't accomplish much either, but at least I get laid.

    I've been told all sorts of bullshit about making relationships work... like having to compromise and make sacrifices for your partner.

    Well.... FUCK THAT!

    Love isn't sacrifice. Love is both accepting your shared values as people and celebrating it.
    If you have to sacrifice for your partner, or make compromises, you will just eat away at yourself and crush your own self-esteem to the point where you hate yourself and your partner loses respect for you.
    Sorry, I'm taking a page out of Ayn Rand's philosophy on relationships here.

    If the two of you can't mutually agree, through no force or coercion, to get along... then fuck it. It's not a relationship worth keeping.

    I'm glad women don't want me as a husband... and the ones who do anyway simply don't seem to want to be intimate with me anyway, so I'm not attracted to them.

  6. #6
    Member Uncle Walker's Avatar
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    To be clear I am being a KJ because I have never done it in the order you are asking about. However, I have a few friends who have LT marriages that are reasonably successful. They act a lot more like I do than how the typical husband acts. In that sense I think there is a lot of skills in pick up that cross over into relationships.

    One of them that I think most people would disagree with me about is that successful husbands are not blindly committed. They keep the attraction up because they have options and skills and they can walk if they really want. They will walk if they feel the need to. It is a positive thing even in a marriage.

    So the way I see it, pick up can ruin the desire to have a committed monogamous relationship but it is not completely counter productive to doing it if that is how you decide to go.

  7. #7
    Member JWS's Avatar
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    I don't think game has ruined me as a potential husband, with a caveat.

    When you're an attractive man you cannot be betaized, and an LSE woman will not stand for that. If she wants to convert you into a submissive, passive guy who "knows better" than to even speak to another woman, like her father is, she'll stop at nothing until she gets that, even if it means dumping you or replacing you.

    But no, I still believe I was a great partner and know how to run a happy family and she is a complete fool for sabotaging the relationship. My knowledge of female psychology made me a better partner, a better lover, more alert... and I was also able to more quickly set boundaries for disrespect... so yeah in that sense, the relationship ended quicker than it would have had I let her do whatever she wanted, undermining my business relationships and trying to turn my 6 year old against me... but it just means I was able to spot the destructive path she was on, sooner than an ordinary dude will spot it with this same woman.

  8. #8
    This is great stuff, I have read the replies very carefully and am having a good think about the whole thing. Thank you everyone for your input.

    Turbaro - my reasons for wanting an LTR (open or mono) is to have stablity for a family. Also, I'd like to enjoy the more 'social couple' type aspects of relationships with women. Weekends away, going to a friends BBQ together, attending weddings, that type of thing. My view is that we (humans) are socially monogomous and sexual non-monogomous.

    I have been subcribing to a school of thought that says that if you take MLTRs to these types of social couple type events then she starts thinking that the relationship is 'progressing'. Then, when faced with some indiciation that it's not (i.e. me seeing another girl) then she has an attack and drama ensues. That's precisely what I've experienced, so I've avoided (or have very rarely) taken girls to these types of events. Of course, one could say that I'm not setting expectations well enough, and that may be the case. Or maybe it's just the girls hardwiring is too strong. Either way, I feel it's something that prevents me from fullying enjoying this social side of the relationship.

    The MLTRs I have had last anywhere from 2-3 months with the longest being 1.5 - 2 years. Well, I say 2 years, however as you guys already know there is no real 'end date', thanks to Zuckerberg it's easy to get in touch and resume things 6-12 months after a 'breakup'. Many times they end because I become bored with the girls, but the great ones seems to 'go crazy' and just can't deal with it after a while by either becoming so hurt/unhappy/depressed or angry/dramatic that it burns out (with me ending things). This has happened to me with maybe 4 or 5, 'procreation-quality' girls now over the last few years? (I've had many more MLTRs, but those were WDs and FBs).

    The best advice and material I have on this comes from a guys who seem to have either 'been there, done that, don't want any more' with kids or never wanted any in the first place, rather than a guy in my situation (early 30's, no kids, wants kids).

    I accept there may not be a tried and tested solution to this, although if there ever were one it would be born out of this forum. The best one I know is the model presented in BD's book, although with the stuff I have going on in the above I don't have a 100% belief if I could get that to work. At this stage I'm thinking I may need to give a bit more or learn some new relationship skills, a little bit of compromising, that type of horrible stuff.

  9. #9

    OP, you've just discovered the reason why sexuality has evolved into a taboo over millions of years

    Because society requires babies galore to survive and thrive. And we they cant have that if no one is getting married and supporting children.

    That's why sexuality has evolved to our common belief systems as being taboo.

    Look at the birth rates, globally....sexually liberated western europe has a falling population.

    Who's having kids these days? The traditional , mono-family structured societies with strong taboos on public sexuality and PDA ; Catholic Mexico and Latin America, India, Africa, the middle east.

  10. #10

    Nice forum, moderators

    Its much better organized than old masf. Less clutter, more neat and clean whites.

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