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Thread: Unhappy women

  1. #1
    Member JetSetJim's Avatar
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    Sep 2011
    Southwest USA

    Unhappy women

    There is a great video clip of Chris Rock talking about relationships. In it he says, "You can't make a woman happy. I've never met a happy woman in my life!"

    This resonates with me, especially since I married a perpetually unhappy woman. But, beyond that, I think it is a fundamental truth- most women ARE unhappy. I can really only think of one woman I have known who was a genuinely happy person, at least the majority of the time. Most women, it seems, are not happy the majority of the time, although this varies with age (much less unhappiness in young women, much more in women over 30).

    Why is this? I've come to a few conclusions:

    Women base their happiness on the quality of their relationships with men. Men, on the other hand, base their happiness on the degree of success they have achieved in life, or on their mission.

    The thing is, most women are in relationships that SUCK. The majority of men are beta males, and this results in women being unhappy with their choice of a mate. Indeed, I think that (and again, Chris Rock mentions this when he talks about women complaining about the loser they married) the majority of female unhappiness comes down to them having made poor choices.

    Men, having made a poor choice, tend to either accept it and make the best of it, or else work to change it. Women do not. Their method of dealing with their poor life choices is to complain. Incessantly. And to place the blame for their choice on someone else, usually their significant other.

    Other than being Alpha, and a certain amount of screening and nexting, I'm not sure how a guy can keep unhappy women out of his life. One thing I DO know is that if you don't, they will spread their misery around them like a plague carrier.

  2. #2
    Member Stargazer's Avatar
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    Nov 2011

    I am guessing that you meet the majority of your women on online-dating sites? In my experience those girls are fucked up and unhappy.

    But normal girls seem to be rather happy, especially young girls. I just came back from traveling and met a 20 year old girl at the hostel. She was always smiling, laughing at everything and would just spontaneously go "I am so happy!". To me it seems like young girls are the happiest creatures on this planet.

  3. #3
    Member JimmyChonga's Avatar
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    Dec 2011

    I think men are also unhappy. the difference is the method that the unhappiness is handled. you started to talk to that - how we go about constructively resolving problems. But there is also the angle of how we handle it in real time. Imagine the scenario of a monogamous relationship where the couple fights and then separate into separate rooms. The guy watches TV and within 10 minutes genuinely gets lost in that. The woman - regardless of what she does, cannot stop thinking about the fight (or has to have a really masterful control of her attention span to do it). the point is - guys have an ability to switch gears, girls dont. but ultimately most people are unhappy most of the time

  4. #4
    Member mankite's Avatar
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    Oct 2011
    Bellevue / Redmond , Washington

    I don't base my happiness on my successes in life !!

    I base mine on the journey of life. I enjoy the struggle and the blood sweat and tears of life. Success in the end of the endeavor where the outcome takes on a meaning of its own does not in itself make me happy. To base you happiness on this is to base it on the past and not the present where happiness is actually felt by the body and the mind. To remember being happy is not being happy because plenty of people feel sad now but remember being happy in the past ... but to feel happy about memories you have is not the same because it is in the now that you are feeling happy .. get it ?

    ZEN: If success in life is the treasure you seek then finding your treasure is the end of your journey ... if your journey was difficult and the prize evasive then all the sweeter the prize becomes ... because the more bloody the battle the sweeter the victory and the stronger the memory which fuels the feeling of success ...

    If this makes us happy .. then we are happy at the end only ... but if we are happy to be on the journey ... we don't have to wait for the end !!
    Have Fun

    "the most expensive thing a ever found was a woman who was FREE for the evening"
    Quote from my Father

  5. #5
    Member pokerodds's Avatar
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    Jun 2012

    The reason why most people are unhappy is that they keep needing to get to some deluded high place. If I make it to the top of this hill or pass to the other side of all of this struggle, then I'll be happy.

    "Only if..."

    Then you put your dream there.

    Summary: Lottery winners go back to a base line sense of happiness within a few months.

    So this striving for success tends to make most people miserable.

    I have to be a model. I have to be the next visionary. I have to get laid. I have to make tons of money. I have to be a model citizen. ETC

    Accept failure and enjoy the process and it'll be better.
    THREAD Illuminatus' male episodic memory versus female emotional memory is a great reminder about the premise that women love their feelings and if you associate yourself with these feelings you're in, at least in that particular moment.

  6. #6
    Member Power-Factor's Avatar
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    Sep 2011
    Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

    I get my happiness internally from myself. I'm sure external things could make me even happier, but my baseline is always pretty content and enjoying life, pretty optimistic, almost delusionally so.

    I get TIRED if I am working hard to make money, I get BORED and restless if I'm not doing what I want at the moment (my current job for example makes me tired, bored, AND restless wanting to move on to what I really want to do), however I don't call that unhappyness, it's just boredom and physical tiredness. I'd say I'm happy 99% of the time. Not like super euphoric high on MDMA happy but just generally content.

    I personally don't understand people who AREN'T happy when nothing terrible is going on in their life. Life is a gift worth cherishing. What is it that people expect?? To be Euphoric and excited all the time? Even when I am bored and tired I am pretty happy. I don't consider excitement happyness, to be content with life is happiness.

    That said, yeah you're probably right that's different from most men, and certainly most women. Women worry about all sorts of shit I'd never give two craps about.

    I also agree that the reason why so many women are often unhappy is their source of happiness is their relationships, their social status, and their social/relationship achievements, especially as they get older.

    I.E. they will be unhappy if they are not at the place where they think they SHOULD be in life, and their expectations of that are pretty rigid. Younger women don't have this problem as much but once a girl gets into her 30s she SHOULD have babies, she should be married to the perfect guy who provides for her, etc etc and if she doesn't have what she SHOULD have by her age.... it's a disaster, and she is depressed. Women past a certain age have certain expectations, and it should be exactly how they dream of it. That man should be the man who brings everything she wants and if she doesn't have it, she feels empty and depressed.

    VS say I for example don't have all those expectations. I don't have any idea that I NEED to have any position in life, I.E. a certain job, certain amount of money, married status, kids, etc. etc. I don't need much therefore I don't feel lacking in much, therefore I am content.
    "If men knew how women thought, they would be ten times more bold!" -Sigmund Freud

    "Stop blaming them and start taming them" - Brent Smith

    "Convey it, don't say it" - Zan

  7. #7
    Boss Silvertree's Avatar
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    Aug 2011
    On the Fool's Journey

    PF is on it. Women have been programmed to be unhappy. They no longer get the message that life is about simple things; having friends, a place to live, food to eat, and being healthy equals success. That just those things puts you ahead of most of the world. Instead they sit in a nice suburban home, wearing nice clothes, with their own car, and the prospect of a good dinner, and think they are failures because they don't live like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which means they married a deadbeat who has a crappy job because he has no ambition and never jets her off to Monaco for a nice weekend. They really think they deserve everything on a silver platter because they are just so awesome.

    I believe it is all the advertising and envy generating entertainment they consume. Garbage in, garbage out.
    The older the violin, the sweeter the music. Augustus McCrae

  8. #8
    Guru Blackdragon's Avatar
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    Sep 2011
    Washington, USA

    Men desire comfort.

    Women desire a range of emotions.

    "Range" means good and bad emotions. Women want to feel good. And they want to feel bad. Most won't admit it, but they want both.

    It's not that women want to be unhappy; they don't. It's that if a woman was happy 100% of the time, she'd start to feel bored at best, guilty at worst, so then she would do something that would make her unhappy. Then she'd feel unhappy, meeting her need for a range of emotions. Making her feel unhappy after being happy makes her feel "normal".

    For men it's very different. If a man is feeling very comfortable or happy, he has no need whatsoever to suddenly start feeling unhappy (assuming he psychologically healthy).

    That's the difference.

    I have much more to say about this..."later".
    Last edited by Blackdragon; 03-22-2013 at 12:58 AM.
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  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Blackdragon View Post
    It's not that women want to be unhappy; they don't. It's that if a woman was happy 100% of the time, she'd start to feel bored at best, guilty at worst, so then she would do something that would make her unhappy. Then she'd feel unhappy, meeting her need for a range of emotions.
    This is why Franco has said (some of the most important girl-maintenance advice in the world IMO)

    "You should give your woman drama from time to time, or she'll create some for you"

  10. #10

    What makes people happy/recent research:
    Money, career success, how others see them, their body.
    Family, health, place of residence, sexual life.

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