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Thread: Dads encourage their daughters to have sex. Rare?

  1. #1
    Member Scorpio's Avatar
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    Dads encourage their daughters to have sex. Rare?

    http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-val...e-awesome-sex/

    Wow, I rarely ever heard of fathers who encourage or allow their daughters to enjoy sex. I know most fathers know (but deny) that their daughters in teenage or adult ages are having sex with someone. Most fathers don't really encourage or ever discuss with their daughters about sex because they think it's taboo or just don't have that kind of father-daughter relationship to be open minded to talk about sex. I think it is very common for fathers to be protective of their daughters from guys because they expect their daughter to be a good girl, pure and virgin. Do you think fathers like this have M/W complex? I assume the father in this article may not have M/W complex issues that he loves sex and expect his daughter as well.

    I don't know what kind of father-daughter relationship I will have with my future daughter but the idea of talking or encourage about sex with my daughter scare me a bit because I feel it would be weird to even think about my daughter, who I would protect and love, are out dating or having sex with some guy(s).

    Guys with daughters here... any inputs or thoughts about this?

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Scorpio View Post
    http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-val...e-awesome-sex/

    Wow, I rarely ever heard of fathers who encourage or allow their daughters to enjoy sex.
    You have now.

    I'm the father of a teenage girl and I agree 100 % with this guy. Talking to friends (also with young teenagers)I hear a lot of disdain for the archetypical "dad with shotgun" approach to teenage sex. When discussing it and hearing my stand on anti-slutshaming and anti m/w, some will try to bait (humorously) me with racial scenarios or strange kinks to see where my limit is, but I usually don't bite. But in reality we are in agreement.

    Sex-positive parenting is also a lot more effective when it comes to preventing STD and pregnancy. Sex positive parenting will go a long way in preventing rape or sexual abuse: the girl will simply know what she likes and be able to communicate it better.

    The big problem is to encourage a sex-positive outlook and at the same explaining that social norms still require discretion. Keeping the secret society secret, in other words. Example: social media and risque pictures.

    How do I do this? I don't say "go fuck ten guys/chicks". I do lead by example (by bringing type III's into my house for example), answer questions without taboo, talk about male-female dynamics in everyday situations, never mock sexual minorities or practises (without it being clear that I'm not serious), probably a lot more. Of course I allow her privacy of her room for masturbation and visitors.

  3. #3
    Moderator zylya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scorpio View Post
    I don't know what kind of father-daughter relationship I will have with my future daughter but the idea of talking or encourage about sex with my daughter scare me a bit because I feel it would be weird to even think about my daughter, who I would protect and love, are out dating or having sex with some guy(s)
    If you love her, then why wouldn't you want her to enjoy her sexuality rather than feel ashamed of it?

    If you want to protect your daughter, then why wouldn't you talk to her honestly about sex - end of the day she's going to go out and fuck, it's human nature. So your choices are this: 1) be honest with her, support her and help her to understand the realities of the situation 2) stay silent, discourage her and let her find out for herself.

    Generally, it seems most fathers are afraid of their daughters having sex because they assume (somewhat logically) that others guys will treat women as badly as they do.

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    Member Diego's Avatar
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    Scorpio

    That article is actually written fantastically well. And it gives you all the answers to your questions about this topic.
    Plus it gives a great advice on how to raise children in general.


    p.s. In my opinion most parents actually don't realize what their role as a parent is (espacially fathers with daughters). That it's preparing their kids for the adult life and not keeping them children. They seem to forget about it somewhere around the time when their kids learn to walk and talk. (That is for the more intelligent part of the population.)
    If you want to achieve something that you haven't achieved before, you have to do something that you haven't done before.

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    Member JWS's Avatar
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    Yeah it's rare but also completely unnecessary. Females want to have sex, period. They crave it. Yes they will really benefit from a lack of judgmentalism on the part of mom and dad, but the idea that anyone needs to be "encouraged" to have sex is ridiculous. It's more of the same brainwashing that women are supposed to be lower-drive than men and need bribing/cajoling/seducing

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    Member JWS's Avatar
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    Edit: I agree fully with all the other commenters in this thread.

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    Retired Silvertree's Avatar
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    Last I checked, teens didn't need a whole lot of encouragement to have sex.

    My daughter will be 20 soon. I started the conversation about sex when she first started asking questions. IIRC, age 5 or 6. I waited for her to ask questions. I answered them truthfully. What you need to do is always be honest, and let them know that you will not judge them or reject them because they have sex. Everyone does it, usually they start in high school. Your kid will too. You also have to be careful not to voice judgement of other women about sex, because if you do, she will not tell you what is going on in her life. Protect the secrets she tells you. Be discrete and do not judge. Secret Society rules apply.

    We had a lot of discussions about sex between ages 11 and 16, which is when girls are figuring it out and navigating sexual interactions for the first time. By being open and non judgmental I knew what she was up to most of the time. She did hide her rich dope smoking slacker boyfriend from me, and I only found out after it was over. I suspect she was embarrassed because she had spent the previous year telling me what a loser he was when a girlfriend was dating him. I heard more true stories than most parents.

    Assume your daughter is going be fucking guys by the time she is 17 or 18 at the latest. It was OK for you, don't be a hypocrite. Instead of living in a purity fantasy, teach her the real truths about sex, guys, relationships, and STDs. If your kid wants birth control, say yes unless you have a strong urge to have her become a single mom on welfare. Realize that she is smart enough to make good decisions if you arm her with good knowledge. 16 year old girls used to get married, run households, and have and raise successful families with little education other than in how to cook & clean. Teens only seem incompetent today because less is expected of them.
    The older the violin, the sweeter the music. Augustus McCrae

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    Member Uncle Walker's Avatar
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    I think it is important to be clear here. Dad's like these are not telling their 15 year old daughters to go fuck every guy she can get her hands on. They are accepting of diversity and accepting of the joys of sex, and accepting that they want their daughters to have a wonderful healthy sex life. They are not pushing these kids out in the street any faster than the kid is ready and wanting. I have changed this to kid because I don't really think this is all that different for a boy.

    Dads don't want their boys getting hurt either and any Dad with any smarts at all knows his sons have a very scary world to face today.

    By the way, I know a lot of families who have a similar attitude to this article. Many are what I would call liberally minded but some are pretty conservative. Another interesting possibility is that some research shows that kids with a comprehensive sexual education are slower to lose their virginity than kids with no sex ed at all.

    I accept that my kids wont always do what I want for them but if they did when it comes to sex, they would proceed one step at a time. There would be a lot of kissing and petting before they got to sex. They would learn what it was like the day after or to breakup with the person before it was actually cock in pussy sex. And of course they would always use reasonable protection. I think my kids know that but perhaps this has inspired a conversation I need to have with them.

  9. #9
    Guru Blackdragon's Avatar
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    The most important aspect to all of this is one you're all forgetting.

    I happen to know quite a lot about about teenagers, both dating them and raising them. My 15 year-old daughter is sitting five feet from me as I type this. When it comes to teenage girls/women having sex, the problem isn't sex. The problem is pregnancy.

    Oh, how many true stories from my life I could tell! One of my current women is 19 years old, unemployed, already has a baby, and is now five months pregnant with twins from her boyfriend. By age 20 she'll be an unemployed mother of three. That's four more people on food stamps you Americans get to pay for. (No, the twins aren't mine...she was on LSFNTE from me when she got pregnant from her young dumbass unemployed boyfriend. I don't get women pregnant because I'm not stupid.) Another one of my women had three kids from three different dads (none of them me!) by the time she was 21. Another 20 year-old has a one year-old baby.

    I could go on and on.

    Therefore, that guy's letter to his daughter is accurate, but it's woefully incomplete.

    So yeah, young teenage daughter, sex is good and normal and human and fine. Have it all you like. It's great. End part one.

    Begin part two: NOW LET ME TELL YOU THE RAW DESTRUCTIVE HELL THAT WILL RAIN DOWN UPON YOU IF YOU GET PREGNANT GOD DAMMIT. LET ME COUNT THE WAYS....

    You can't have part one without part two. You just can't.
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  10. #10
    Retired Silvertree's Avatar
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    Begin part two: NOW LET ME TELL YOU THE RAW DESTRUCTIVE HELL THAT WILL RAIN DOWN UPON YOU IF YOU GET PREGNANT GOD DAMMIT. LET ME COUNT THE WAYS....
    Oh yes, I repeated that lesson until she had internalized it. Every time we saw a 18 year old mom on her own or with her mom in the store, I later on gave her the lecture about the economic realities of single-moming.

    It is interesting; her circle of girls, the core of which had been together from kindergarten, all had stable two parent homes with sane employed adult parents, not one girl got pregnant. They all had boyfriends they were fucking, some started in 8th grade, and most were by 11th grade, but zero babies. There were enough high school moms that they had a day care and parenting classes for them, but none of the nice middle class girls had a baby. It wasn't just the kid's posse, she knew most of the nice girls because of sports and honors classes, and there were zero baby bumps in either group.
    The older the violin, the sweeter the music. Augustus McCrae

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